A Vapor In The Wind

Life is still in the dance.

2012-01-28T16:41:00.000-08:00

It's nice to finish a two and a half hour long dance practice feeling like you haven't worked that hard. I am now dancing a good five hours once a day each week of Irish Dance. And believe me, it is tiring. For two of those hours, I'm just dancing, but for the other three, I'm instructing groups of young dancers. I'm not sure which is more exhausting, actually dancing, or getting a bunch of kids to behave while trying to teach them new steps and dances.

Today I had the opportunity of dancing for two and half hours with a group of kids who were all at my level of dance, or higher, and I didn't have to tell anyone to do anything. I had to stop myself on several occasions from shushing the group up. I instinctively say "Shhh!" now every time any dancer says anything, because I'm so used to having to quiet down a bunch of rowdy kids who aren't paying attention to the teacher. Admittedly, we were not the most quiet group of dancers today. We talked a lot more than we probably needed to, but this was only because we were all getting excited about all of our new choreographies. And even when we did start making noise over our teacher she was always there to make us quiet again.

When I realized that I didn't have to be in charge of this small group of performers and that my teacher was perfectly capable of handling all of us...I really enjoyed myself!

This extra practice was for a small performance group my teacher has started for her more advanced students. The age range is pretty wide. I'm like one of the oldest people there and the youngest people in the group are probably ten or eleven. Pretty much everyone, except for the couple of girls who were from my class as well, were people I had not met yet and it was really encouraging to see just how much talent our dance school has acquired!

The best part of the day though was stepping outside into the sunshine where it was warm and breezy enough to be spring! Beautiful weather makes everything more beautiful! And then the day came to a wonderful close in the piano practice rooms where I got a good solid hour of practice in. On Saturdays the piano majors don't have scheduled practice times, so I can stay there as long as I want and play.

It's not often I get to be this tired, to have worked this hard. And it's even more rare that I end the day happy knowing that I gained as much as I worked for. Thank you, God, for a wonderful day!

Jesus vs. Religion?!?!

2012-01-13T09:36:00.000-08:00

There's been a video called "Why I Hate Religion, but Love Jesus" circulating around the internet. It's become very popular among Christians. I had made up my mind to not watch the video, because I could tell by the title that it was simply going to annoy me. Finally, I saw someone share the video online along with their opinion of it which was decidedly against what the guy had to say. This caught my interest and I liked what this opinionated person had to say about religion and the church and not wanting to remain ignorant, I watched the video. And I regretted it. As you can see, it only served to get me worked up.

After thinking long and hard about it, I finally managed to place my finger on the heart of the problem. I knew I had qualms with what this guy said and I could tell immediately that some of it was completely wrong. But I also realized that the main reason I was getting so worked up over this was because I felt like I had to defend the name of religion. And this really is the two sides of this debate, isn't it? Is religion good or bad?

Then it suddenly hit me. The fight has never been Jesus against religion. That has never, ever, ever in the whole of history been Jesus' objective. At the same time, Jesus did not come to defend religion either. In fact, the word "religion" is kind of irrelevant to Jesus' work.

Audrey Assad pointed out that what this guy in this video really hates is hypocrisy, not religion. This was enlightening to me. It's not the religion that's annoying us, it's the people within the religion, the people professing to be good while they're really ignorant and callous toward peoples' needs. Ultimately it's the people that are the problem, not religion.

This is an overused analogy, but I'm going to use it any way. Guns are not the reason crime and murder rates go up. The wicked people who use the guns to break God's law are the real problem. And getting rid of guns is not going to fix the problem, because if we get rid of guns, they'll simply find some other way of committing the same crimes.

The same goes for religion. Abolishing religion is not going to fix anything. Because it's the people who are the problem, not religion. So thinking that we need to fight religion is useless and ultimately unprofitable. At one point in this video, the guy says, "Jesus came to abolish religion". This is probably the most dangerous statement out of everything this guy said, because Jesus did not come to abolish religion. He came for a completely different reason. He came to fulfill the law, He came to die on the cross and rise from the dead and conquer sin once and for and for all. He came to abolish sin, not religion.

Here's an artical by Kevin DeYoung that I found interesting and may shed some more light on the subject.

"Does Jesus Hate Religion? Kinda, Sorta, Not Really"

"An enemy stabs you in the back, but a friend stabs you in the chest."

2012-01-06T18:21:00.000-08:00

I've never thought about friendship like this before, but when I first heard this said last week, I instantly realized how true it is! The closest friends I have are the ones who have "hurt" me the most. They are the ones who aren't afraid to stir me up out of my comfortable mind-set and set the truth before me, as painful as it may be. My best friends are the ones who are constantly seeking to see me grow in Jesus Christ and are objective and aggressive in pushing me along toward this goal.

As Pastor York was expounding upon the friendship and intimacy we have with Jesus Christ, I began to realize how many Christ-like examples God has placed in my own life. My parents are probably the chiefest example. Parents are intimidating to young children, especially parents with the disciplinary hand bearing the wooden paddle. But while my parents never hesitated to spank and discipline me when I needed it, they were never afraid or ashamed to call me their friend. Even more so now, I know for a fact that I am a friend of my parents.

My father was never afraid to spank me as a child. He was never afraid to "stab me in the chest" and tell me of my need for Jesus Christ. He was never timid in sitting me down as young teenager and telling me where my sinful life was leading me. And no one was ever more overjoyed than my parents in seeing my life slowly and gradually change as I walked with Jesus Christ. I can think of many more examples in my life of such people. My siblings especially come to mind as well.

During our discussion groups at the winter conference, I noticed how a lot of the girls felt they could not talk to their families about everything, that they felt more comfortable speaking openly within an accountability group among Christian friends. While I see nothing wrong with being open and confident with friends and Christian groups, it surprised me was that none of the councilors (as far as I could tell) really encouraged any of the girls to seek a closer relationship with the immediate members of their families! I understand, not every Christian teenager is in a Christian home or in an ideal situation with their family. I know for a fact that difficult times of spiritual struggle can set in and make it really hard to communicate with your family. But at the same time, I could not help but feel that this was a point of deficiency.

For one, I don't know anyone outside of my family who I could possibly be more open or honest with than the people within my family. I can't take any pride in this fact, since I know that it is all Christ's doing, that Christ is the one who has brought us all together and is continuing to bring us together. Also, I have been blessed by Jesus with amazingly open and honest siblings who won't take anything but the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth from me and will give back the same in return.

And then the more I thought about my family and my closest friends I, the more I noticed a certain pattern among all of them. All of my closest friends are the ones who come to me first. I am never friends with anyone unless I am sought out by then. Pastor York made a point of how self-focused we as humans are. This really struck me. How often do I overlook someone's need and fail to be a friend as Christ would be a friend simply because I am the one expecting everyone else to be a friend to me first? How more unlike Christ can I get?

One of the first sermons I ever heard preached by Pastor Bailey was an overview of all the Gospels. This was not the main point of the sermon, but it stuck with me forever. Pastor Bailey summarized the Gospel of Matthew (at least, I think it was this one) with these words, "Jesus loves who you hate." Ouch.

If Jesus loves who I hate...and I'm supposed to be a "little Christ"...what does this mean for me?

At first, it's easy to let myself off the hook. Well, I don't really hate anyone, do I? But I don't have to go far before I can think of several people who I sincerely dislike, people who really annoy me or even mildly annoy me, people I get really angry with at times, even if I don't show it. Too often I walk away from the Gospel of Matthew, likening myself to the sinners Christ affiliated with (though we are, no doubt sinners) and not realizing that I am probably more like the Pharisees than anyone else within the Gospel.

When I liken myself to the Pharisees, suddenly everything becomes much more clearer as to what it is I am to do in my life and what areas I need to repent in.

Christ is never going to go easy on me. He's our real friend. He's never going to let me off the hook. And the truth is, He loves who we hate. He's closest friends with the people who tick us off, the ones we don't want to be around. And He's called us to go and do likewise, to go and be friends with the people we hate. I'm not sure I know how to do this. I'm not sure I've ever been a true friend beyond friendliness to anyone. But I'm sincerely praying that Christ teaches me how to do this, to be more objective and Christ-like in all my friendships.

Thanks be to God, I have the best friend who is always willing to stab me in the chest with the truth...Jesus Christ. May His Word be more painful and effective every single day.

"Breakout"

2012-01-05T22:30:00.000-08:00

Here's one of the dances our dance school performed for our most recent winter recital. The music is called "Breakout" and the choreograph and steps are completely our own. Oh, and the costumes are our own too. Yes, my teacher is that awesome and made all of those sparkly colorful dresses herself. And, yes, I'm the one in the very muchly too pink dress. >.O Enjoy!

Journeys Back in Time

2012-01-03T16:45:00.000-08:00

I have spent this entire last week away from home on a road trip across the country to see the world, mostly from the interstate. Seriously, though, I've spent about 30 of those hours, if not more, this week in the car on the road. But it was well worth it. Below are some pictures of our adventures.

Later, I'm hoping to post up some notes and/or thoughts on all of the lectures that were given by both pastors from both conferences this last week! There were a couple lectures and discussions that really struck chords with me. And I've been especially convicted of certain areas of my life I've overlooked or neglected sin. Hopefully I'll get more on that up here later.

I got to meet up with some really great friends while I was gone. It was all kinds of fantastic seeing them all again and then meeting new people as well.

TFY Reunion

For one of the activities, we were supposed to be Irish-Scottish Covenanter pioneers making our way across America. So we had to go through all kinds of challenges, like crossing rivers (as seen below), hunting with nerf guns, and a bunch of other things that didn't really make sense but were fun and very stressful all the same. Oh, and we were all designated specific characters that we had to maintain during the challenge. This hardly made any sense wit the whole Scottish Covenanter thing going on. We were given names like Ethel, Henry, Gladys, Ziek, and Betsie.

Me as 12-year-old Jane crossing a river on card board planks and "Henry" with his broken arm

One of our challenges was to build a church. See the second from the right? That one's ours.

Hehe

But before we built our church, we were attacked by vicious Indians. And I don't know who thought this one up, but supposedly we didn't have any weapons so our only hope of survival was to evangelize them??!!

These Indians must be from Oklahoma. They like to go mudding.

And here be the entire group of kids who participated in the youth conference. It should be noted that this picture was taken in the freezing rain, which is probably why some of us have odd expressions on our faces.

The last night we were there, we traveled back in time into Medieval Times. I borrowed a dress from one of the councilors there. It was extremely fun, especially with all the variety of costumes!

Myself and a very sweet "merry man"

One guy dressed up as a jester and, I could not believe it, but he had never seen the movie "The Court Jester" before!

After dinner, there were all manner of tournaments including jousting, sword-fighting, and horse-racing. One of my friends and I decided we'd have a go at the jousting.

It resulted in something like a cat fight. It didn't help that neither of us really wanted to hit each other.

The evening concluded with several award ceremonies. I'm proud to say that our house, the house of Stewart, won the most in all the tournaments!

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This is an old picture, but I couldn't think of any other way to share this with Jonah...

Caleb: Don't worry, son, one day you shall be as tall as I am, so long as you keep eating your vegetables!

reflections

2011-12-09T11:59:00.001-08:00

Perhaps it was the Jane Austen novel I've been reading or maybe it was simply that I have grown up a little and no longer see things as small children do. Whatever was the case, that evening, in the after glow of a job well done, I looked around at the surrounding crowd and saw people in a different light. There were many faces that were completely unfamiliar to me as often is the case in a large audience performance, but there were many within my near vicinity that I distinctly recognized. Some I saw often and knew well, others I had only ever seen occasionally, some I had once known so well but now they seemed as strangers to me.

"How different everything is!" I thought to myself as my mind recollected evenings in years past, very much like this one. I was a child then. I had left this stage behind for a time,and tonight it felt as though I was returning to what I had enjoyed so much as a child and yet everything was not like it had been. Something had changed. I had changed, most of all and in changing my perspective of everything likewise changed.

When I was a child, nights like these were perfect. Evenings like this one, where I would be caught up in the brilliance of the stage lights to finalize with a bow after a performance well done. These were the nights I loved best as a child and I still do very much. But it's different now. As a child, I often dreamed of being on the stage, always, for the rest of my life. It was, to me, the climax that never aged or grew dull in my mind. I could go on living it and dreaming it day after day and never tire of it.

I was quite a vain little girl, and still am. The difference now is, I've realized that the stage and performance can never be the pinnacles of my life. Because once I step off the stage, unlike when I was a child, caught in the afterglow of the performance, I see the faces of all the people. I really see them. And I know that things are not perfect, that they can never be perfect, not even here.

It robs me of some of the enjoyment that I once had while performing as a young girl, but it is a good sort of thievery because the stolen notion was shallow and meaningless in the first place. I hear the few off-key notes the tenors to my left sometimes mistakenly sing and I feel my own voice faltering often as we entertain our audience and I know that even here, even in the joy we share as singers, this is hardly perfect. This is not where I ultimately want to end up.

Having my vanity diminished is quite a pleasant while harsh ordeal. When one loses their shallow desires and enjoyments, they must find others to pursue. By God's grace, I did find something better to pursue. I can't say I really wanted to pursue it. I might have never wanted what God had given me if it had not been for the constant going home, going to worship each week, and returning to real life after every silly performance I ever had.

That is why God gives us families and the church and a day of worship and rest once a week, is it not? I can't imagine how frivolous and fruitless my life would be had I not a multitude of people awaiting me in the audience, ready to extend their hands and their love after I have bowed and finished, calling my name and saying,

"come home, come home and rest a while"

holiday cheer

2011-12-07T11:51:00.001-08:00

preparations for Thanksgiving, November 24

my sister hard at work painting cut-out snowflakes

Mama's china

Turkey! Yum.

Stuffing made by me. It was quite a success and I was quite proud of it!

Such a feast! God is so good.

Psalm 145 before we eat.

stringing ornaments

Aaah! Lights!

And the first real tree we've had in years!

Accidental photo. A blur of Christmas lights.

Happy holidays, everyone! God bless!

the light meets the dark

2011-12-04T20:53:00.001-08:00

My latest creation. I suppose I should throw a disclaimer out there that I am not in any way emo. Hehe, but do I really need to tell you all that? I'm proud to say this is the first real success I've had messing with the lighting.

The End

2011-11-30T12:44:00.001-08:00

I completed NaNoWriMo this morning with 51K+ words and I almost finished my novel. I have one more scene to go and then I should be finished! I'm so glad that I got to do this this year, since I probably will not be able to do anything of the sort next semester. I'm also so, so thankful for my parents and their tolerance and patience in letting me spend many nights writing until one in the morning. I'm looking forward to the process of editing and refining my story! It's been fun!

View my NaNoWriMo results here.

"Do You Know You're A Hero?": An Excerpt.

2011-11-17T22:49:00.001-08:00

Aiden & Koltan

Clem felt nigh naked without his trench coat. He had snatched a burlap sack from his shelter hole before leaving, but the worn old thing was a cheap replacement for the large and varied pockets of his coat. All of the utilities he had hidden in them! What he wouldn’t give to have them now! Especially his knife. He dug up some familiar roots that were extremely good for making poultices out of, but the roots were tough and it took some time before he had torn off enough to make the effort worth his while.
He moved on to find edible plants. He drew out a map of the nearby vicinity that he had kept tacked in the hollowed shelter. He pinpointed a semi-orchard on the map, remembering why this place had been his favorite hiding from Alex and his men. He filled his sack with apples and pears that were almost ripe then ventured quickly back to the hole. He swung the sack over his shoulder and slid down the rope ladder to find Athol asleep in his chair and the little boy Koltan awake now, hovering over his brothers shoulder, the both of them studying one of Clem’s maps with vigorous interest.
Koltan’s head shot up and when he saw Clem his face broke into a huge boyish grin, his large hazel eyes beaming.
“Clem!” He cried, rushing toward Clem and throwing his arms around him. Clem dropped the sack and scooped Koltan up, ruffling his hair playfully.
“Hiya, Koltan!” He said.
“Where’s King?” Koltan’s face fell concernedly.
“I don’t know where he is,” said Clem. Koltan looked crestfallen. “He got away before the bad guys got me and he knows how to take care of himself, so don’t worry.” Clem assured the little boy.
“But he’s got cold blood,” said Koltan. “What if he freezes?”
Clem laughed. “His blood won’t go cold so long as it’s nice and warm outside and snakes have very good noses. They know how to find the warmest spots.”
This convinced Koltan and his smile returned.
“Clem, do you know you’re a hero?” He said.
“Am I?” Clem raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah, you saved Aiden, and me, and even Athol!”
Clem laughed and said nothing. He set Koltan down. They were far from safe. No one was safe in this place. Koltan rejoined his brother, Aiden.
“You make the best maps, do you know that?” Aiden told Clem, glancing up briefly from a detailed map of the Lake and its surroundings. "Sometime, I want to visit all these places on here!"
“Thank you,” said Clem. “Maybe someday I'll take you on a grand tour. Hey, here's something for you boys to chew on before you start eating my maps.” He tossed the sack over to them and several pieces of fruit spilled out. “Save some for your sister, all right? It's not much, but it'll tied us over before I can catch us something tonight.”
Aiden and Koltan each snatched up an apple each and began munching at the fruit ravenously.
Clem knelt down in front of Athol, who was still sleeping. She looked like a child in this posture, so young and innocent and, yes, he had to admit, pretty. He touched her face lightly and she blinked into wakefulness.
“How do you feel?” He asked.
“My head hurts,” she groaned, still half-asleep.
“Let me see,” he said. He picked up the dirty blond mat of hair concealing her temple to reveal a purple and green colored bruise highlighting a gash running from her eyebrow to her ear. The cut was not deep, but a fair amount of dried blood was clustered on her face and in her hair. With a mixture of oils and mashed up plant roots, Clem slowly cleaned off Athol’s wound. She was still sleepy and unresponsive for the most part. But occasionally she would grimace and clutch at the chair..
“I want to sleep,” she murmured. Clem sighed resignedly. He would have never budged for her in an argument, but here he stood defeated. They would leave at nightfall and allow themselves a day to rest.. He picked up Athol and carried her to the corner of the hole, laying her down on the rug. He snatched up the sack Koltan had been using during his nap and spread it across Athol for a blanket.
“You boys, keep it quiet, all right? Wake me if you hear anything from outside,” he instructed them. Then he sat down in the chair and closed his eyes to sleep for the first time in days...

The New Hello: Novel Soundtrack(s)

2011-11-13T20:05:00.001-08:00

Cover Art

I'm a bit obsessed with The Hawk In Paris' song "The New Hello" right now. I'd probably be obsessed with all their other songs too, if I had them. I got "The New Hello (Hers)" on a free download online from Noistrade.com, so it's the only one I have right now. And I love this song. There's so much in it and I can definitely see a lot of this song coming out in my novel. I'm not sure if that's because I'm writing based off of this song or if I love this song because it's a reflection of what I'm writing and thinking about a lot lately. Which came first? The chicken or the egg? Whatever the case, this song is kind of the theme of this story.

She was falling down the mountain, an avalanche of human stone.
As she tumbled to the valley, she thought she's better off alone.
He felt the pressure of a million miles underneath the sea
Still taking in water from a love that couldn't be.

It was girls on one side, boys on the other
No one was dancing or looking for love
Sometimes it's over before it begins.
No one takes a risk and everyone wins.
If you love someone, then let them go.
'Cause goodbye is the new hello.
The new hello

She was hanging in the shadows, a ghost along the flowered walls.
And when she stepped out of the darkness, she thought she'll never love at all.
He felt the measure of a million lives underneath his skin
Still waiting for the courage and the music to begin.

It was girls on one side, boys on the other
No one was dancing or looking for love.
Sometimes it's over before it begins
No one takes a risk and everyone wins
If you love someone, then let them go
'Cause goodbye is the new hello
The new hello

As the boys took the hands of the angels
She watched him frozen to the floor.
When the lights slid off of the mirror ball
She couldn't see him anymore.
She walked right out the door.
Sometimes it's over before it begins.
No one takes a risk and everyone wins.
If you love someone, then let them go
'Cause goodbye is the new hello

The new hello

( from "The New Hello" by The Hawk In Paris)

So that is the soundtrack for my novel. I know this song sort of sounds like a love story gone wrong...my novel isn't really a love story gone wrong, it's simply a story about love gone wrong in terms of family trust, loyalty, and responsibility. And then the idea of "the measure of a million lies underneath his skin" makes me think of Clem and "as she stumbled through the valley, she thought she's better off alone" is very much a reflection of a lot of the characters in this story who think they're better off alone.

I haven't been focusing on individual characters very much and so I'm sorry if you're a little lost as to how these songs/music all work with my characters. Well, my intention with doing this is really to help me more than my readers get to know my characters. There's something about finding a soundtrack for your story and for your characters that brings them to life. And there's something about music that inspires scenes and emotions and dialogue in me.

Well, for Athol, Aiden, and Koltan Maccallum I decided to make their "soundtrack" song "Hot Air Balloon" by Owl City.

We wrote a prelude

To our own fairy tale

And bought a parachute

At a church rummage sale

And with a mean sewing machine

And miles of thread

We sewed the day above L.A.

In navy and red

We roamed a racetrack
Through your mom's kitchen chairs
And fought the shadows back
Down your dark basement stairsI
I lit a match, then let it catch
To light up the room
And then you yelled as we beheld
An old maroon, hot air balloon
I'll be out of my mind
And you'll be out of ideas pretty soon
So let's spend the afternoon
In a cold hot air balloon
Leave your jacket behind
Lean out and touch the treetops over town
I can't wait to kiss the ground
Wherever we touch back down.
(from "Hot Air Balloon" by Owl City)

And then I chose "The Real World" by Owl City, not really for any specific character, but really for the forest. "The Real World" sounds to me like their journey through the forest and through the entire story, really...

From the green belt balcony
The wildfires look so pretty
Ponderosa canopy
I'd never leave if it were up to me
To the ruby redwood tree
And to the velvet climbing ivy
Painted all mahogany
I'd never leave if it were up to me
With a starry brush
Paint the dusk venetian blue
'Cause in the evening hush
You'll never believe the view
And when the leaves return
And their whisperings fill the night
They'll freeze and burn
Where fire and ice collide
Where fire and ice collide
Can you feel a silk embrace
In the satin air?
If we dissolved without a trace
Would the real world even care?
Downy feathers kiss your face
And flutter everywhere
Reality is a lovely place
But I wouldn't wanna live there
(from Owl City's "The Real World")

I decided for Clem, he needed something more "hard core". Haha. Practically the entire Switchfoot album "Hello Hurricane" summarizes his character, specifically the songs "Mess Of Me" and "Yet".

All attempts have failed

All my heads are tails

She's got teary eyes

I've got reasons why

I'm losing ground

And gaining speed

I've lost myself for most of me

I'm heading for the final precipice

But you haven't lost me yet

No you haven't lost me yet

I'll sing until my heart caves in

No, you haven't lost me yet...

If it doesn't break your heart it isn't love

No, if it doesn't break your heart, it's not enough

It's when you're breaking down, with your insides coming out

That's when you find out what your heart is made of

And you haven't lost me yet

No, you haven't lost me yet

I'll sing until my heart caves in

No, you haven't lost me yet...

(from "Yet" by Switchfoot)

And that is all I have for you tonight concerning all things NaNoWriMo. I know you must be fearing for my sanity at this moment, but don't worry...Novemeber will be over soon enough!

Don't Deceive Yourself: An Excerpt

2011-11-12T23:30:00.000-08:00

"Athol" (photo courtesy of deviantArt)

BEWARE!! The forest just beyond the finest country suburb is infested with poisonous snakes, spiders, and scorpions, glowing insects, a bottomless lake full of all kinds of monsters, oh, and let's not forget all the criminals, murderers, and people-snatchers that live there. Never, ever, ever under any circumstances enter the forest! Because once you do, you will never be able to come back...

Athol Elen Maccallum is a proper fifteen-year-old girl who is trying her best to be the responsible older sister of her two mischevious younger brothers. She has never had anything more than imaginary adventures. She has never been outside of her conservative group of friends or family. She has never tip-toed to the fringes of the looming forest just over the hill beyond her father’s property. And she has forever wondered what makes the forest of trees glitter and glow like diamonds on summer nights…

Clem Jamar is a backward boy from the strange forbidden wood who hunts spiders by night and captures deadly snakes by day. He roams the woods day and night and eludes the most skilled trappers and hunters. He had a family once, but abandoned them and never looked back. He has no friends save the lightning fairies of the forest and his pet snake, King.

Fate unexpectedly brings these two together when Athol's two younger brothers, Aiden and Koltan, go missing. In search of her brothers, Athol dares to enter the dangerously strange forest. There she discovers (or more like, she is discovered by) the cynical Clem Jamar and in order to find her brothers, must trust the man who is no less elusive and spontaneous as the forest he lives in...

Note that this summary is subject to change at any time, depending on whatever course my story takes. See, when you're writing 1667 words a day (somedays it's 4000 or more, depending on how behind you are), you don't really have a lot of time to scheme and lay out an intricate plot. I don't like making really detailed outlines anyway. With this story, I started with a generic plot outline and focused more on the development of the characters. My characters have sort of taken over whatever plot I thought I had and every page I write, there seems to be another unsuspected plot twist. But the story is holding together rather well for all its randomness.

I read through bits of the story when I get the chance. I don't read too much, because if I did, I would be spending all my time editing and nothin would ever get written. I was happy to find a general theme in the story that I did not count on. This story is chiefly based off of my brothers and sisters and mine own imagination as children. I took bits and pieces from our past and wove them throughout here, because those moments were so beautiful that I could not leave them in my memory and no where else.

Anyway, my story ended up having more than mere childish memories and for that I'm almost proud of myself. There's a general theme of guilt and loyalty woven throughout the story. I noticed that many of my main characters were acting out of guilt. One character feels guiltily responsible for egging her brothers onto disobedience and eventually danger, so she feels compelled to go and save them.

Another character feels guilty for abandoning his own community in a time of need, and so is "paying pennance" by helping Athol and her brothers. And everyone in the story has broken their loyalty and responsibility with someone or several someones. I'm not sure how it will all resolve in the end, but I'm eagerly looking forward to where my characters will take this story...

And here's an excerpt for your enjoyment. Sorry, this excerpt does not reveal much of the plot sequence or the characters, but...I hope you like it all the same. Disclaimer: I only read through his briefly to eliminate typos. Please don't judge too harshly. ;)

As sly as a snake, Clem slipped from hut to hut through the Lake Village, blending in with the shadows. The town was really no town at all. It was a mere collection of decrepit huts constructed on a slope leading down to the water’s edge of the Lake. No one really lived in the town except during the harshest times of the winter. For the most part, the populace of the forest was hunters and trappers like Clem or thieves and scavengers—all of whom preferred to remain on the move for the most part. There was no order, no law, and no organized community. The forest was fair game and every man who lived there was a law unto himself.

An exceptional number of people were gathered in the town this night, more than usual, Clem noted. This was, no doubt, due to the fact that Alex Raeford was here. His gang always had the best meat and furs to trade. The majority of the crowd had congregated down by the lake, around a roaring bonfire. They were roasting meat and drinking. Clem felt a twinge of envy, remembering how he had once gallivanted about with the same group, how they had laughed and been merry together.

Then his mind took him to a scene of the pale still face of a dead little boy…and his heart surged in anger. Harmless fun was one thing, but downright injustice and cruelty—Clem could not live with that. He had been called a coward, of course, and he had almost paid with his life for his decision to leave Alex's gang. But in the end, he was glad. He had enough guilt on his shoulders as it was. He didn’t want anymore.

Most of the people surrounding the campfire were drunk. Someone was playing a jig on some kind of whistle. Clem spotted Alex in the midst of his best men. His keen eyes stared into the fire. He was probably conjuring up the plan for next season’s hunting. He never knew how to enjoy himself. A few women mingled with the men, an exceptional number really, considering how many women had actually entered the forest. Clem crouched down by a tree just beyond the fringe of light emanating from the fire. He sat and listened.

The conversations were mostly incoherent babble. The whistle stopped playing and a few moments after the fact, Clem saw a a large burly man stand up and shout, “Let’s have some more music, shall we?”

“I’m going to bed now.” A high-pitched woman’s voice sounded. Clem peered further around the tree curious to see who the source of the voice was. She was a short girl, no, a short young woman with bright green hair cropped at her shoulders. It stood out from her head at all ends, making her resemble a potted plant. He did not remember seeing her anywhere before and he was sure that if he had seen her before, he would have remembered her.

“Come on, now, it’s no time to be sleeping.” The burly man laughed and burped, tugging on his beard. The girl wrinkled her nose in disgust. Clearly she had had enough. She got to her feet and turned away from the group, making her way toward Alex.

“Alex, I’m leaving now,” she told him. She walked away, not waiting for him to respond. Alex grabbed her arm to stop her.

“Ali, wait, can I speak with you for a minute?” He snapped out of his seemingly trance and jumped up to stop her.

She sighed, annoyed.

“Sure, but make it quick. I’m exhausted.”

Alex led her away from the fire, clearly wanting some more privacy. They stopped beside a shrub a few feet from Clems hiding spot'. He was well concealed in the shadows, but he pressed himself closer to the trunk of the tree all the same. He thought Alex’s behavior strange. Alex had never been the type to be interested in women.

“Al, I appreciate you coming with us this round.” He said in his monotone stony voice.

“Yeah, yeah,” she waved her hand, signaling him to quit beating around the bush. “What is it you want to tell me, Alex?”

“You heard about the kids we picked up?” He scratched the back of his neck.

“No, I didn’t hear about them.” She flared, angry. “When did you pick up kids? And why? Where are they now?”

“Hey, cool it, Al.” He said. “I didn’t bring them because they’re nut cases. I left them behind in my tool hut.”

“What do you mean, ‘they’re nut cases?’” Al crossed her arms.

“I mean when we found them, they started spitting nonsense about flushing us out of the forest and vanquishing the evil here.” He chuckled. Al did not find it funny and said nothing. He stopped laughing.

“Listen, Al,” he put on his best innocent expression. “I know how you feel about these kinds of things, but I think it’s time we start taking people like this seriously. What if someone really is planning on flushing us out?”

“They’re just kids, Alex. And do you really think anyone’s going to try to flush us out of here? After the reputation this place has built up? How many did you find?”

“A couple of little snotty-nosed boys, that’s all.”

“And they’re in your tool hut?” She turned to leave, having heard enough.

“Yes, and you’re not to touch them, Al!” He ordered sternly. She stopped and pivoted around to face him again.

“Why did you tell me about them, then?” She asked. “You know I’m not going to leave a couple of kids tied up in your smelly tool shed. I won't let them escape, if that's what you're worried about, but--.”

“I'm telling you this, Al, because I thought that it would pacify you a little. I know how you hate being left out of things. And I know how you like to act recklessly and interfere with everything. This time, you’re staying out of it, all right? I've given you a fair warning. Don't touch those boys.”

She said nothing. She only glared at him. He was baiting her, she could tell, challening her loyalty to him and then stepping back to await the outcome.

“You’re not planning on doing anything to them, are you?” She asked eventually.

“I haven’t decided yet.” He said.

“Look, Alex, you should just dump them off at the border of the forest and let them go home.” She pleaded.

“Go to bed, Al, and leave this to me,” he said. “I’ve let you have your way too many times already. This is my business.” He stormed off back to the campfire.

Al stamped her foot like a three-year-old when he had left.

“Ooooh! I can’t stand that man!” She squeaked under her breath once he was out of hearing range. “Who does he think he is threatening people and acting like he’s the voice of authority? Oooh!”

Clem could not suppress his laughter. His hand went over his mouth a moment too late. She had heard him, he could tell. Her head darted around to stare into the shadows where he hid.

“Who’s there?” She demanded, squinting in to the darkness. Clem stood up.

“Not so loud, okay?” He whispered. He gestured for her to follow him and then turned and disappeared into the forest. She followed him, cautiously gaurded, but intrigued.

“Tell me who you are.” She demanded when she caught up with him. “And stop laughing.”

“My name’s Clem Jamar,” said Clem.

“Yeah, I’ve heard of you.” She said.

“And you’re…Al?” He thought the name was as strange as her hair.

“Al’s short for Alethea. Alex’s the one who started calling me that. I don’t like the name much, but he does. I usually go by Thea or at least, I used to. What are you doing here? I thought Alex got rid of you years back.”

“He did,” said Clem. “I’m here looking for a couple of boys. And I think you know where I can find them.”

She squinted at him suspiciously.

“I don’t like you, Clem.”

“I don’t expect you to like me,” he stated. “Now, where’s Alex’s tool hut.” He had never heard of Alex having a tool hut. He wondered what kind of "tools" Alex was collecting.

“Follow me.” Thea made her way up the slope back to the dirt road winding through the Lake Village. Clem followed her warily. He did not wholly trust her and he did not know what she was fully capable of doing or where her true loyalties resided. But he was pretty sure that she was on his side when it came to disliking Alex and his ways.

Chanticleer

2011-10-27T20:32:00.000-07:00

This week, Ben, Greg, Mama, and I went to see Chanticleer in concert. My brothers were skeptical about the concert. Like everything else that doesn't relate to his work or school, Ben was sure it would be a waste of time. And Greg just didn't want to go. Well, by the end of the concert I think we all agreed that it was worth it. The music was perfect all night long. The harmony was mind-blowing.

If you've never heard Chanticleer, they're a Grammy award-winning a capella men's singing group made up of twelve male vocalists--one bass, one bass-baritone, one baritone, three tenors, three sopranos, and three altos. Though none of the singers are restricted to their part. In fact, every piece demanded something different of each singer. One of the tenors, Ben Jones, said that every "chair" in the group is for one kind of voice only, so it is difficult to get into the group if you want to. There are no back-up singers or replacement singers in this group in case of emergency. And these guys tour all year round, so I have no idea how they manage that. But they do and they sound amazing.

As kids, we listened to their music a lot. My brothers and I especially loved their folk music. While the group performs a capella, not all of their albums are a capella. They feature guest singers, instrumentalists, and whole orchestras on some of theirs. Their goal as a group has always been to explore every kind of music. And their concert last night testified to their success in their pursuit. They sang a variety of classical and romantic pieces in German, French, and other languages. But then the second half of their concert featured a lot of modern composers such as Eric Whitacre and songs like "Somebody to Love". So they do an excellent job of performing different varieties of music!

Here is the group we saw with Chanticleer's first music video "Cells Planets". They sang this song at the very end, after we had made them come out onto the stage again!

Afterward, we got to talk to more of the members of Chanticleer. It was really interesting to hear all of their stories on how they joined.

My brothers (including the one with the camera) went and waited for us in the car and didn't want to hang around and talk. So I didn't get any pictures. Sadness. But my piano teacher was at the concert as well, so at my piano lesson that week we got to rave about the group to each other and chat about them.

Speaking of piano lessons, I have joined "sight reading boot camp". Not really. It's a joke with my piano teacher and I, because I wish there were such a thing as sight reading boot camp that I could go to and take a crash course on sight reading. I cannot sight read music to save my life and it's really, really bad for an aspiring pianist to not be able to sight read! So these next two weeks, I will be doing a lot of music reading/playing exercises on the piano. And I'm praying that my reading improves. Otherwise, I can't really play anything fluently and with confidence unless I have it memorized and that is really hindering me.

Now for bed. God bless!

Light Gives Heat

2011-10-16T17:15:00.000-07:00

I have never taken many pictures of fire, much less good ones. Saturday night around the campfire with marshmallows, I was surprised I got these. Enjoy.

NaNoWriMo 2011

2011-10-16T16:49:00.000-07:00

The flustered authoress rushed through the florescent lit corridors lined with office doors, searching frantically for one marked 'Daley'. She glanced at her watch. She was running fifteen minutes late.
"Fifteen days late." She thought grimly to herself. Swallowing the panic, she told herself that there was nothing to worry about. A couple of brief interviews and a boost of spontaneous imagination would be enough to keep her scribbling at an insane rate for thirty days. Right?

She came to an abrupt stop when she realized she had nearly past the office labeled 'Daley'. Inside, cameras were propt up in front of a tarp with a print of down town Chicago, a makeshift back drop. She spotted the news reporter Daley immediately, with his black thick-rimmed glasses and his well-gelled dark curly hair.

"I'm not too late, am I?" Breathless, she sat down in her designated seat in front of the cameras and drew out her notebook and pen. Ready to write, she was surprised when no one answered her. The room had fallen quite silent. Daley was looking at her with a single eyebrow raised.

"Aren't you missing something, Miss Riel?"

Miss Riel, the authoress, glanced around the room, from the surly camera men to the empty chairs next to her. Suddenly it struck her!

"Miss Maccallom and Mister Heidrich! Where are they?" She cried.

"That seems to be the question of the afternoon." Daley was grinding his teeth as he always did when he was iritated.

A rucus suddenly struck up out in the hall. Shuffling and shouting could be heard. A woman screamed. All the heads in the room turned to the open doorway as a smug faced man with disheveled hair and dirty hands jumped into the room as if he had been pushed.

"I told you not to bring the snake! Normal people do not carry snakes around their necks." The door slammed and the source of the high pitched voice appeared from behind the man--a short young teenage girl, who could easily be mistaken for a child, she was so small, with large blue eyes and hair the color of sand. She peered from behind the trench-coated snake-bearing man and turned bright red on seeing all the strangers in the room staring openly at the two of them.

"Athol! Clem!" Miss Riel cried in happy relief. She jumped from her chair and shook their hands heartily. "Come in. Take a seat. Watch your snake, Clem."

She turned to Daley. "You can start rolling, now."

Then, taking a seat, she immediately assumed her interviewer's persona.

"I'm Eru Riel here today with Miss Athol Maccallum and Mister Clem Jamar at the National Novel Writer's Headquarters. We're all excited to be a part of this year's NaNoWriMo." On the last sentence, Clem snorted. Miss Riel ignored him and keeping her smile on, turned toward the two odd characters.

"Athol and Clem, tell us a little about yourselves."

Awkward silence. Athol and Clem glanced at each other and then back to Miss Riel.

"There isn't much to tell." Clem said with a slight drawl. Athol rolled her eyes.

"We're characters from the story In The Land of Queer Adventures." She said, like 3rd grader who had just given the correct answer. She smiled smugly at Clem.

"And your rolls are?" Miss Riel pushed them.

"I'm the heroine." Athol beamed.

"And I'm the hero." Clem snorked.

"You are not the hero." Athol wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Please, Clem, we want people to read this story!"

"Where are the two of you when this story takes place?" Miss Riel asked, ignoring the glares between the two.

"I am living with my family in the suburbs, finishing up high school." Athol stated.

"And I am in what's called the Queer Woods all by myself."

"How do the two of you meet? I mean, it seems rather unlikely, don't you think?" Miss Riel was scribbling hard by now, not even glancing up from her paper. Athol and Clem did not notice.

"Oh believe me, we would never have met if it had it not been for my two brothers!" Athol declared. "But leave it to them to go off wandering into the woods at night. Of course, my parents would never have thought them capable of going into the Woods. No one but the insane went there"--she glanced at Clem--"but I knew that was exactly where they had gone. My brothers and I were always similar in that we both had and unquenchable curiosity about the Woods. I was just never brave enough or stupid enough to step a toe in the place."

"But you did, eventually, did you not?"

"To save my brothers, I did." She said. "The moment I did, I knew I would regret it, I knew there was no going back. There's something enchanting about forest where new adventures lurk around every corner...but you'll hear more about that later, no doubt."

"Yes, thank you." Miss Riel now turned to Clem. "What about you, Mister Jamar?"

"Please, call me Clem." He said, grimacing at the sound of Mister Jamar. "What about me?"

"What's your part in all of this?"

"Well, I said I was the hero, didn't I?"

"And how does that play out in the story?"

"If I said, it would spoil everything, wouldn't it?"

"Just write him off as difficult." Athol butted in. "Because that's really all he is. Don't bother with him, because you'll be pushing and prying your way into nothing with him."

Clem looked hurt.

"What makes you say that?" His words dripped with sarcasm.

"Well, I wouldn't want to spoil the story, now would I?" Athol sneered at him.

Mr. Finch and the Library

2011-09-29T22:06:00.001-07:00

Weird Elephant

2011-09-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

When showing off my editing handiwork to my brother, he proclaims that I'm vain and take too many pictures of myself. I then asked him if he would be a willing photography subject. I admit, I'm not the best picture subject and it's hard taking pictures of yourself, because you can't make all the minute adjustments you want to...

My brother, of course, refused to be a photography subject. So I told him "so, there. When you come up with some better subjects for me, I won't be so vain." It would be nice to have subjects better than myself. Perhaps I should start picking on my friends.

Here, below, are my results from the feis (Irish Dance competition) I was in recently. It's the second feis I've ever competed in. And I'm proud to say (as you can see) that I am now qualified as a novice in all dance solos.

And one final praise...I've been taking and re-taking the ACT this year, in the hopes of concurrently enrolling in college university. Well, my score is high enough to concurrently enroll and I've been accepted to one of the colleges I applied to (the one I will most likely attend) and so I have much to be thankful for right now!!

Oh, and what do you think of my photography signature? I thought the name fitting...

Rose Brier

2011-09-19T09:20:00.000-07:00

I was messing around with GIMP this morning and decided it would be fun to turn myself into Rose Brier from The Shadow of The Bear and Waking Rose by Regina Doman. Not that I resemble her that much. But I'm quite proud of myself and the way I managed to turn my hair red. :)

The Beauty of Life

2011-09-12T13:10:00.000-07:00

Because the most beautiful things in life surround me...books, nature, family, food, and adventure. I have so much to be grateful for!

Here we have the combination I took with me on our Labor Day weekend trip to Illinois.

Nothing like Granmutti's garden...the flowers were all a bit sadly wilted due to the drought, but still beautiful.

Banana spider decorating the garden.

I'm so glad I captured this perspective, it reminds me of one of the scenes in "Amazing Grace".

And this is a little strange, but I've always wanted to do this. What can I say? Eyes fascinate me.

This is the cake that took me three hours to make with much assistance from my skilled grandmother. In honor of my brother's fifteenth.

This majestic falcon trapped itself in my grandmother's old corn crib...it was so beautiful!

Yum! It's lemon-filled, by the way. And all made from scratch.

In the Land of Queer Adventures

2011-08-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

Suddenly the storm was upon us. A thick black cloud hovered above the ground, concealing the sky. We watched through the dining room windows, unblinking, waiting with a mixture of fear and excited anticipation to see what would happen next. Fingers of lightning slashed across the sky, definite and artistic. They struck gracefully and lit up the sky almost in rhythm as if they were part of a dance. Then the wind stirred the trees, a heavy breeze at first, striking up a song. In the next moment raucous gusts of wind joined in on the chorus, bending to the point of breaking the soft limbs of our maples and apple trees. Within a few minutes everything was hidden behind a howling blanket of rain and leaves.

Every now and then a tree limb or branch would fly past the window. I thought this must be what it is like to be caught up in a tornado. As much as we wanted to see the show, it was not safe. So we crowded into the family room where no windows were and listened to Papa read through the last chapter in the book of James, the wind screeching in accompaniment.

Suddenly it was all over. The storm had left taking our electrical power with it. I hunted for matches in the dark with my mother and before long the interior of the house resembled a monastery or cathedral (granted, I've never really seen a monastery, but I imagine they are full of candles). At that time I remembered that I needed to feed our neighbor's cat so I snatched up my umbrella (it was still drizzling outside) and stepped into the surprisingly cool moist air of the late evening.

Outside a queer hush had come over the world, cheaply replaced with the sirens howling far off on the highway. Tree limbs and even entire trees in some cases were sprawled over our neighbors' lawns. People were out walking, worriedly examining their lawns, houses, or the sky. A black cloud hastily retreated over the eastern half of the sky and I could see lightning still flashing within it. But I was in no danger of being struck. To the west, the sky was gold and mellow, as if nothing had happened. A few stray rain clouds hovered directly overhead, all that was left of the storm. I took a deep breath and stepped out onto the squishy ground of a freshly hydrated ground.

It felt amazing.

I encountered people who I had not met since I was a little girl as I meandered down the damp road of our neighborhood with my rainbow umbrella. Many of them remarked at how I'd grown--and was I really that old? Funny how you can live next to people for so long and hardly know anything about them. It takes a storm as terrible as this for people to actually come out of their houses let alone talk to you. Perhaps I am at fault there as well. I offered any of my assistance should they need it to clear the fallen trees and volunteered my brothers and their handy chainsaw.

Pretty much everyone in our neighborhood had lost power so poor Jasper the cat was meowing pitifully in the darkness when I arrived at his house. I found the emergency flashlights on the wall and soon discovered that Jasper was not to be pitied. He was more to be kicked (though I did not kick him), the kind of cat who liked to spontaneously claw you and jump on you while you are trying to refill his water tank. Soon his water tank and food bowl were filled and I set out to check on all the outdoor plants. They were all well watered. Some of the potted plants had tumbled over. I rectified them and then checked the mail box. Nothing.

I locked up and stepped outside to find myself face-to-face with a deer.

"Oh, hello," its eyes said. "Is this your yard? Because I'm pretty sure it's mine." It began munching on the moist grass. "Mind if some friends join me?" Five more deer bounded out of the wood, coming up alongside their friend. They hesitated, a little skiddish.

"Don't mind her," the first doe rolled her eyes. "She's just a human."

I had half a mind to chase them off, but they were quite pretty and I knew they would simply come back. I opened up my umbrella again and set off back to my house thinking how wonderful it was to be home again where queer adventures take place every day.

Maybe I'm Just a Dreamer (summer 2011)

2011-08-09T11:22:00.001-07:00

Pictures from my fantastic summer at home and abroad. Below is our church's youth/mission group.

Below.first week of TFY. A visit to the R.P. Home with my fellow TFY (Theological Foundation for Youth) members!

Evangelizing on Pitt campus. Wet from the giant sprinklers there. It was hot that day.

Ceilidh dance night!!! So fun!

The entire TFY group!

Visiting Geneva college campus.

Yay!!

Derpiness.

Third week, fun night after lazer tag!! All of us showing off our new geneva college t-shirts.

At the water front in Pittsburgh!! So fun!

Waiting in the airport. Several of us had to wait for six hours together for our flights to leave. There was much unwitty banter, snacks, and games.

I will post pictures of the second week of our trip as soon as I get pictures from J. She was our photographer that week. :)

Who I Am

2011-08-04T18:11:00.000-07:00

They were merely words. Words I had heard so many times before. Words that I read every single day. And yet in that moment, I sat there paralyzed with emotion, on the verge of shaking from the depression that had suddenly swept over me. Why was this moving me so much?

From the beginning, I've known who I am. Whether I've lived it out or not, I knew from the time I was a child that I was a sinner in need of saving and that Jesus Christ was my Savior. As much as I though I'd grown in the last seventeen years of my life, as much as I thought I had come to grasp this truth, here I was weeping at the simple declaration. I am a child of God.

How many times had I heard these words before? So many I can't count. But that day at that moment, God chose to pierce my heart with those words. It was like water on dry ground. And believe me, I know what dry ground looks like. It's tough and parched so thoroughly its skin is cracked open to the point thateven a good shower thunderstorm won't even heal all the wounds.

The rain drops streamed down my face as for once the too familiar words penetrated my ears and did not simply bounce off of them. Thank you, Lord.

How do I forget such things? I'll never know. But it is a sad truth defeated only by the ultimate truth.

Reflections

2011-08-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

This last week has really made me think about who I am, what I want to do, what I want to achieve, and how I plan on glorifying God. I've been thinking a lot about maturity this last week (sorry if this seems random) what with being a year older and then it so happened that Pastor Blocke preached a sermon on maturity this last Sunday.

It's so easy to not be mature these days. People don't expect teenagers to grow up. And teenagers don't push themselves. I know this because I'm the kind of person who sits around and simply waits for people to tell me what to do. I like things handed to me on a platter. I don't like to do things I'm not comfortable doing. I don't like to consider other people and maybe go out of my way to include or help others. I'm just that kind of person. And the more I notice this in myself, the more I notice it in others around me (I'm not sure if this is a good thing...). But the fact of the matter is, I don't want to stay this way.

I believe this is a good thing. I don't ever want to reach a point in my life when I can look at myself with satisfaction and smile at the reflection in the mirror staring back at me. There's always going to be something wrong with me and the day I stop looking for that and quit acknowledging the fact of the presence of my sin...that is the day I lose.

Being seventeen does feel different. Suddenly I feel like there's pressure on me, not from any one or anything, but I guess I could say it's spiritual pressure, a pressure to grow up for once and to continue to strive to grow up.

Now the question remains...how to grow up? Well, Pastor B preached on the passage in Genesis 31 vs. 1-21. And he pointed out that Jacob's willingness to immediately obey God's command was a clear sign of maturity. No longer was Jacob under the direct council of his mother. He was no longer being pushed by others toward God's promise and God's grace. He was claiming it for himself and he recognized that it was something he had to take to heart. This is a sign of maturity. So that's one thing I'm striving to do, to claim God's promise for myself and strive to grow in my desire to see His kingdom flourish and to His covenant played out in my life.

If only there were "six easy steps to maturity". Heh. Life would be simpler. I think I've been maturing (I hope I have!) over the years, though in a very passive sense. I've recently realized (sort of woken up) to all of the means that God has placed in my life. My family for instance, is probably the greatest source of mature people I have. Being away for two weeks has made me miss my family more than ever (another thing I didn't realize--I'm such home person!) and the thing I've missed the most is the conversations my sisters and I share.

I miss having their council around all the time. I miss having people to talk to anything and everything about. Same with my parents and my brothers. When I left I didn't realize that I was leaving behind one of the strongest "anchors" I have in my life. I think it was a good thing to leave though and notice how much of my security and stability depended on my family. Part of growing up is being firmly founded on the solid rock of Jesus Christ. Just like Jacob, I don't want my faith to be bounded up in my family...that kind of faith is not real faith. I want to claim my faith for my own, so that no matter where I go I will have the joy and hope of my Savior Jesus Christ.

So, in short, the two goals in my life as in "long term goals" are to continue striving for the growth of the desire God has placed in my heart, the desire to be a worker in His kingdom, to see His kingdom grow and (second) to appreciate the means He's given me more, especially my family and my home church(es).

That is all for now...perhaps I will pop in later with some pictures of my insanely amazing last two weeks! God bless!

A Light in the Darkness, an End to the Night

2011-07-12T14:32:00.001-07:00

I took this picture a while ago. This is an example of one of those rare "poetic" moments I happen to capture. This one I took the day Calvin came home from the hospital, also the day that our electricity went out until 3 am.

I cropped it just a little to put the candle more in focus and elongate the photo a little more. I took this one with my dad's digital camera which is excellent at capturing light/sunsets.

And here is the man himself, photo taken whilst he was still in the hospital. I'm so thankful that God brought "an end to that night" and Calvin now has the energy and high spirits a young boy should have. I'm so happy to see his child-like faith shine even in circumstances like these!

This was also taken the day Calvin came home--green, pepperminty goodness!! Enhanced a tad to bring out the greenness.

All for now! God bless!

The Three Children and the Lightning Fairies

2011-06-14T10:48:00.000-07:00

A Fairy Tale

To my brothers Bug and Turtle

and to Owl City/Adam Young in thanks for much of the inspiration for this story...

We crossed the fields in the dim light of a fading day, all of us lured by the fantasy lights glittering in the trees at the base of the sloping hill. There they would blink and then disappear, only to reappear somewhere else in the next instant. Like little streaks of lightning they flashed, like drops of golden fire. We stood there in the lengthy shadows, watching in awed silence. I sighed to myself, fantasizing in my mind what it would be like to catch one of those lights and take it with me into the house where we could always see it.

I was not the only one thinking this, for the moment I suggested this to my two comrades, they both eagerly agreed that this was the best idea any of us had come up with all evening. The little boy Bug scampered away into the house to fetch his butterfly net and I followed him to get a jar, for we had to have something to keep the little lights in once we had them.

We set out across the field, visibility nigh extinct now that the sun had sunk beneath the trees. Our once familiar back yard suddenly became foreign and exciting in the darkness. We might as well have been explorers on another planet. This was no longer our land. We were trespassers in the territory of these lights.

"Here! Here!" Bug cried as a flash of gold light appeared before his nose. We darted over the field toward the light, straining our eyes in the darkness for a sign of the culprit, but to no avail. The light was gone.

"Look, he's over there now!" Turtle, our brother, shouted, pointing to where the light had appeared again only a few feet away. We broke into a run, the blinking light tantalizing our hopes. I gasped and came to a stop at the base of the hill. There beneath the treetops flashed not only several but several hundreds--thousands--perhaps millions of lights! They created such a glow that--

"You can see them!" Turtle shouted again. He was crouching on the ground now, looking up into the trees at the strange singed creatures flying through the branches. They seemed to be speaking to each other with their signals.

"Are they fairies, you think?" I asked Turtle.

"I've got one!" Turtle and I both turned to see Bug, jumping up and down, a yellow light flashing within his butterfly net.

"Careful now," I said as Bug gently plucked the creature from his net and placed it in the jar. It made to escape out of the opening, but I screwed the lid on just in time.

"We'll hold onto him for the night," I said, "and then in the morning we'll let him go, all right?"

Bug did not seem to want to let go of the the creature ever, but I was his older sister and he would listen to me.

"It wouldn't be kind to keep him in the jar forever...he might die," I explained. Bug nodded in understanding.

"I've got another one here!" Turtle shouted from several feet away. Bug and I raced to where he was, his large hands clasped tightly shut around one of the little creatures. "Dani, the jar--quick!"

I screwed open the lid, cautious as to not let the other captive escape. Turtle plopped the cell mate into the jar and I screwed on the lid again. The two creatures began blinking conversationally at each other, both of them confounded as to how they had ended up where they were. We were amazed to find that they were not fairies after all, but odd spindly looking creatures with too many legs and large black goggling eyes.

"They're so cute!" Bug cried. Turtle and I wrinkled our noses at our brother's generous disposition to think the ugliest things "cute". But we had to agree that they were amazing and all of us were eager to catch more.

We soon got good at the game and we did not stop catching the lightning creatures until Papa called from the house that it was time for bed. Turtle and Bug took the jar back into bed with them. In the morning we would let them go and tomorrow evening, we would chase the lights once again...

More Than One Pair of Clothes

2011-05-27T13:33:00.001-07:00

As I approach the "college phase" of my life, the more I realize that I am probably going to be poor. I'm not wealthy and I don't plan on becoming a genius overnight and obtaining every scholarship possible. I'll probably be working my tail off for four years to make it through college debt-free. And then chances are I'll still be poor when I'm done with college. Musicians have a tendency to make little more than peanuts, unless you're a composer and happen to make the number one hit song of the century.

Poverty is not a bad thing.

And like my Latin teacher said, "If you have more than one pair of clothes, you're not poor, you're wealthy."

"Poverty" like we like to think about it, it is not really poverty. Being poor in this country means you can't spend extravagantly. You can't buy the coolest car, the coolest clothes, the coolest phone, the coolest computer, etc...

A couple weeks ago, I was having a discussion concerning wealth and money with my siblings. We've realized for some time now that our father makes a pretty round sum of money each year. In fact, if it was not for the eight mouths that they have to feed, my parents would no doubt be quite wealthy.

My sister pointed out that my parents' choice was a choice between having an easy life and having an interesting life.

Andrew Peterson makes a similar point in his song "World Traveler".

I had hardly seen a thing
Until I gave that golden ring
To the one who gave her heart to me
And I became a world traveler
That's the day I hit the road...

And the more I think about it, I can't help but conclude that the true treasure in life is not the materials we obtain, the money we pile up, the goals we achieve, but rather the people we touch, the lives we share our own lives with, and the ones we pour ourselves out for.

I was having a conversation about college and money (I seem to be talking a lot about these things with a lot of different people :P) with one of the elders in my church several days ago. At some point in the conversation, money was likened to jewelry.

Jewelry is nice to have, but get too much of it and it's just useless clutter. It's decorative.

At some point the analogy falls apart, but I kind of liked the idea (I don't like jewelry). Money is an accessory to life and if you ask me, it's one thing to get gray hairs about. I'd sooner live without it and share my life with my seven siblings.

I don't know about you, but I'm becoming a world traveler...

"I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks..."

2011-04-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

"I know there is poor and hideous suffering, and I've seen the hungry and the guns that go to war. I have lived pain, and my life can tell: I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks for the early light dappled through leaves and the heavy perfume of wild roses in early July and the song of the crickets on humid nights and the rivers that run and the stars that rise and the rain that falls and all the good things that a good God gives. Why would the world need more anger, more outrage? How does it save the world to reject unabashed joy when it is joy that saves us? Rejecting joy to stand in solidarity with the suffering doesn't rescue the suffering. The converse does. The brave who focus on all things good and all things beautiful and all things true, even in the small, who give thanks for it and discover joy even in the here and now, they are the change agents who bring fullest Light to all the world.

"When we lay the soil of our hard lives open to the rain of grace and let joy penetrate our cracked and dry places, let joy soak into our broken skin and deep crevices, life grows. How can this not be the best thing for the world? For us? The clouds open when we mouth thanks."

Ann Voskamp, from her book One Thousand Gifts

I love this book. Thanks. Gratitude. That is what I have been neglecting in my own life. God seems to be surrounding me with this message as of late. I keep picking it up in His Word as I read through the Psalms, catching snatches of it Sunday morning during worship, and then finally in this book by Ann Voskamp which is all about thankfulness and how it is a soul-saving, life-changing attitude that every Christian needs.

Thankfulness is what stirs the joy up in the heart into a healthy Christ centered happiness.

I don't know why, but up until now I didn't really understand how Christians were always supposed to be joyful. I understood that since Jesus Christ has died for us and risen again, that we have every reason to be joyful, but like Ann Voskamp says in her book, I never put this knowledge in to practice. And the key to learning, to applying information, is to practice it. Reading notes on staff paper is worthless gift if you cannot play the music. Understanding that I need to "count it all joy" at all times is worthless knowledge to me if I do not practice that.

Practice how? By being thankful for the little things, all the time, every day. By opening my eyes and looking around for all the beauty and life that God has bestowed upon this earth and on me. I can think of several wonderful things right now that I am so thankful for...

1. Pancakes.

2. Brothers singing in harmony in the kitchen.

3. Tea.

4. Calvin eating pancakes and drinking milk with a smile on his face.

5. Hot showers.

6. Music.

7. My piano (well, it isn't technically mine...)

8. The sound of laughter.

9. My mother's smile.

The list goes on and it will only grow larger as the day progresses. I am sure of it.

the not-so-deep creative depths of my not-so-creative creativity OR the crazy things I come up with in the midst of creative writing:

2011-04-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

The R.O.O.B. Squad

for Widget...I hope this cheers you up!

Dani raced across the street, stopping behind a hedge a few feet short of a large brick mansion, ominously dark and silent. She crouched low, listening apprehensively for any sound from the within the ancient house. None. Peering over the hedge, she checked once more to make sure all the lights were out. Good. It only made sense that the family was all asleep at 2:45 in the morning.

Reaching into the pocket of her black jacket, Dani pulled out a walkie-talkie.

"This is Dani," she whispered. "I'm in position."

"Roger that!" The official voice of Dani's younger brother, Ben, came through the walkie-talkie.

"Will you please stop talking like that?" Dani pleaded in exasperation, keeping her voice hushed. Since they had founded the R.O.O.B. squad, Ben had assumed his roll as military strategist and commander, compiling a list of militant-style rules and procedures for the group.

"Might I remind you," said Ben, keeping his Sergeant-commanding voice, "our official manual states 'no casual conversations, discussions, or sibling arguments over the walkie-talkies while on duty--'"

"Are you in position?" Dani cut her brother off, not wanting to get into another argument.

"Not yet."

"Get in position!" Dani raised her voice slightly, resisting the urge to yell. "I'm ready to move and I'm freezing!"

"You two really are hopeless." The ever sarcastic voice of their fellow R.O.O.B. member and friend, Rebekah, came through both their walkie-talkie.

"I'm ready by the way," she continued. "Hurry up, Ben."

"I'm hurrying!" Ben said, sounding a little out of breath. "By the way, we really should establish code names in case--"

"No casual conversations or discussions, remember?!" Dani half shouted into the walkie-talkie. Then, in a much calmer voice, "Will, are you in position?"

"I'm at my first destination--ready with the smoke bombs."

"Good," said Ben. "That makes everyone--I'm in position!"

"About time," muttered Dani.

"Alright, everyone, ready for Phase 2?"

"Ready," three voices answered at once.

"Okay, that's GO!"

Dani shoved her walkie-talkie back into the pocket of her jacket and waited until several fire cracker explosions went off inside the house. She then dove over the hedge, none too gracefully, breaking into a run as she landed on the other side. She bolted for the house, pulling on a gas mask and goggles as she did. The back door was unlocked, the work of Phase 1 of the mission.

The interior of the house was filled with smoke. The sprinklers had been deactivated, but the fire alarms were still ringing. Louder than the fire alarms, the shrill voice of a middle aged mother reverberated through the house.

"CARL!" She screamed from upstairs. "CARL, BABY! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!"

Dani dove behind a large black leather sofa as the woman with a man, who was evidently her husband, came running down the stairs. Both were bleary eyed and in pajamas. Dani suppressed the urge to groan as she landed behind the sofa with several large cracks.

"Ow!" The startled cry was fortunately muffled. Someone punched Dani in the face.
"Moron!" Rebekah hissed. "Don't you ever look before you--"

Dani's hand went over Rebekah's mouth. She gestured toward the couple who were now running from the hallway into the Living Room.

"CARL!" The woman cried.

"Honey, maybe he's already outside," the husband spoke, a little more calm than this wife. He dashed after his wife, both of them running blindly through the smoke out the back door, turning over several kitchen chairs as they did.

"Dani!" Ben's voice came through the walkie-talkie. "I've got the culprit outside--the books are in Carl's bedroom, down the hall on the first floor--be quick about it, okay!? The fire department's on it's way!"

Dani and Rebekah scrambled over the couch and raced down the hall. Flipping out their flashlights, they scanned Carl's laundry-littered bedroom. Video games lay in heaps surrounding the desk which was piled with homework and old food wrappers. The room looked like a tornado had landed right on top of it.

"Perfect!" Rebekah said. "Now if we ran sack the place, no one will notice!"

Dani threw the closet open and dug through the mile-high heap of junk, looking frantically for anything labeled "Public Library".

"Here! I've found them!" Rebekah emerged from underneath the bed, holding five large books, each covered with an inch thick layer of dust. Both Dani and Rebekah sighed with relief. But the mission was not yet complete.

Running outside, they stayed to the shadows, evading the pajamaed couple and their rather confused-looking teenage son. A large black van awaited them several blocks down the street. Ben and Will were already sitting in the back of the van, waiting anxiously for them.

Abby, the van driver, was ready with her foot on the gas pedal when Dani and Rebekah scrambled into the van with the books.

"Good work!" Ben congratulated them. "Dani, what happened to your nose? Never mind. Can I see the books?"

Rebekah handed Ben the retrieved books. He glanced at the titles and nodded approvingly, then taking out a long list attached to a clip board, he checked the titles off.

"Fifty-two down! One hundred and thirty one to go!"

THE END

Epilogue

On a sunny Monday afternoon, Ben stood in line at the Public Library checkout. The librarian seemed to be taking longer than usual. Finally, the mother with her three children and several bags full of books, left a gap and Ben made a move with his little pile of Fullmetal Alchemist books.

"Ben Fisher." The librarian said his name. Ben looked up to find that the dark haired man with glasses was grinning at him. "You wouldn't happen to be Dani's brother, would you?"

Ben did not quite know what to say. He had to think a few minutes before it registered that Dani often came to this library to do creative writing.

"Oh, yeah." He said finally.

"She's told me a lot about you." Ben gulped, wondering if Dani had told him anything about R.O.O.B. Come to think of it, he was probably the "informant" Rebekah and Dani had been talking about. The librarian laughed and said, "You want me to check these out?"

"Sure." Ben handed him the books and then, pulling the recently retrieved books from his bag, he said, "Oh, and I'd like to return these."

"These aren't on your account, are they?" The librarian looked slightly confused.

"No, they're not on my account." Ben said. "I--uh--don't know who's account they're on. I found them..."

"Oh, this is great! We've been missing these books for years!"

Ben snatched up his Fullmetal Alchemist books and hastily left the library, a smile on his face.

Songs To Think On

2011-04-07T17:39:00.000-07:00

"BACKGROUND" by Lecrae

As much as I don't like rap music, I really love this song. Lecrae's music isn't excessively rap...some of his songs I just can't understand. But some songs, like this one, are slower with more of a melody and a lot of meaning (all of his songs have a lot of meaning--a lot to think about). This song in particular speaks to me, because, well, I'm a performer. I tend to push myself to the front of the stage (and then die of stage fright). I still enjoy attention. I love sharing what I love with others, my dancing, my music, etc...

It's easy to forget that my talents, my dreams, and my successes are all gifts from God. The melody of my life is really just the background to the great song of Redemption that God is weaving throughout the whole of history. My life is pointing to His work. It would be theft to throw myself onto the stage and claim that I was the one who gifted myself with this grace, this love, this music, whatever I might be showing off.

Like Mike Donehey says, this is freeing in so many ways. When we put ourselves into our rightful place, into the "Background" of this universe, we lose both our pride and our fear. We no longer are trusting in ourselves and we no longer are afraid of failure.

"STRONG ENOUGH" by Matthew West

I heard this song on the radio the other night. I'm not a huge fan of Matthew West, but I like a few of his songs. I especially like this one. This song disillusions us to the belief that "God isn't going to put us through anything we can't handle". Because God will indefinitely give us trials, tasks, and heartaches that are out of our hands. We will inevitably fail if we do not lean on His strength.

I was really surprised with the D.J. on our Christian station. Immediately after this song played, he said, "You've probably heard people tell you that God's not going to give you anything you can't handle. Well, this is a lie. God is going to put us through things that we can't handle or accomplish on our own, because He wants us to learn to trust Him." Wow. Thank you.

If you think about it, we can't do anything without God. I don't think about this enough. God sustains the breath and life in me, He holds every cell of my being together, He holds my soul in the palm of His hands. Why do I think I can do anything without Him? Why do I ever promote myself before His glory?

"PRAY YOU THROUGH" by Sixteen Cities

I've been thinking a lot of about human weakness, the frailty of our minds and bodies, within these last few weeks. I'm amazed at how little compassion I have at times. I take the strength that God has given me for granted and don't understand when other people are weaker emotionally or physically. I'm not saying that I'm so super strong, nothing ever phases me, I never get sick. I'm saying that there are people around me who's weakness I do not fully understand, whether physical or emotional. I find myself at a loss of how to comfort them, what to say. And the words, "I'm sorry" just seem so hollow in the face of real pain.

And that's why I like this song. The chorus goes like this:

I'm all out of words

There's nothing I could say to you

To take away the hurt

So let me pray you through...

If I was honest, this is what I would say, "I really don't have anything to say. I really don't know what to do or how to fix this. Let's pray about it..." I don't need to have an answer to offer comfort to someone. I don't need to have a remedy to provide healing for the sick at heart. Because God has already provided healing and comfort for everyone. The only thing I need to do is turn others to Him, perhaps fall down on my knees with them and hold their hand through the fire...

This is what I've been thinking on in the last few days. I'm sorry if it seemed very unorganized and garbled. I don't think through my posts thoroughly before writing them....

Vines and Thorns

2011-03-30T17:36:00.000-07:00

Took these this evening and then tweaked them a bit...enjoy.

Mountains On The Ocean Floor

2011-03-27T16:45:00.001-07:00

I woke up at 3-some in the morning, wondering what had woken me up. From the other side of my bedroom door, I could hear someone walking through the kitchen. Voices were talking somewhere near the bathroom outside the kitchen. They sounded slightly panicked, maybe frustrated. I rolled over in bed, still extremely groggy, wondering if I should go out and see what was wrong.

Then I remembered what had woken me up. I had been dreaming. Someone had been screaming in my dream. And then I had woken up. I listened a little more intently to what was happening outside the bathroom. I heard my father's deep voice, my mother's voice, and then the voice of my little brother. Oh, no. Had he thrown up again?

I almost climbed out of bed to go and find out. But, no. It was a little past 3:30 in the morning. And a gathering crowd would only add confusion to the chaos. I pulled the covers over my head and fell back to sleep.

The next morning, an hour or so after lunch, I discovered that the screaming in my dream had been the screaming of my little brother. He had not thrown up, but with a bad case of diarrhea, he had created a mess in the bathroom. I would have screamed if I had been him. On the opposite side of the house, alone, probably still half asleep, in the middle of a mess, wondering if anyone would ever find him before the sun came up...

I suddenly felt extremely proud of my parents. This was not the first time my brother's been so sick, but each time is not necessarily easier than the time before. In fact, I believe it gets harder every time he gets sick like this. Is he ever going to get better? It seems like every time he gets over something, he catches something else, or someone else in the family gets really sick or injured.

My mind had been recently dwelling on everything in the past that had gone wrong. My brother getting sick was sort of the instigator for this. It's not a healthy attitude or mind-set. A mixture of anger and confusion lashed out towards God. Of course, it was not as violent or bad as times before. I managed to hide it so well that even I didn't really notice that I was mad or who I was mad at. But the anger resided in me, perhaps it still is, at the back of my mind, in the form of a question...

"Does nothing ever change?"

I look at my life. Nothing's changed, has it? My family still has problems, they're always going to be. We're always going to be fighting something. I'm always going to be this way.

It was such a subtle little lie that, as I said, I didn't even notice it was there. But in one stroke of a moment, this lie was revealed, and my question was answered.

It arrived at the doorstep of my heart while I was sitting in the back seat of a car, on my way home from a youth retreat. I was very tired, as I always am at the end of a youth retreat. But when I'm tired, when I'm weak, I tend to be more susceptible to the truth. Andrew Peterson's album, "Far Country" was playing and like always when his music is playing, I was singing along.

I choked up and couldn't keep on singing when the song, "Mountains On The Ocean Floor" started playing.

Nothing ever seems to change...

Gaaah, that was exactly what I was feeling.

But miles away beneath the waves...

There are mountains

Mountains on the ocean floor

They're rising from the deep

But no one ever sees

No one ever sees

The mountains on the floor of the ocean in my heart were slowly moving. A truth I had never realized before, as long as I've known this song, as long as I've known Jesus and been in His Word.

Nothing ever seems to change

But miles away beneath the waves

Down below the dirt

Hotter than a flame

In the belly of the earth

He has given you a Name

There are mountains

Mountains on the ocean floor

They're rising from the deep

Where no one ever sees

There are mountains

They're hidden there beneath the waves

They're moving up so slow

No one ever knows

There's a molten heart of stone

That is waiting to explode...

Only God can see it grow.

He calls me Beloved. I am Perfection.

2011-02-14T19:29:00.000-08:00

And a great crowd followed him and thronged about him. And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and who had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse. She had heard the reports about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. For she said, "If I touch even his garments, I will be made well." And immediately the flow of blood dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. And Jesus, perceiving in himself that power had gone out from him, immediately turned about in the crowd and said, "Who touched my garments?" And his disciples said to him, "You see the crowd pressing around you, and yet you say, 'Who touched me?'" And he looked around to see who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling and fell down before him and told him the whole truth. And he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease."
Mark 5:24b-34 There are so many things I love about this passage, I don't even know where to begin.

First, I'm amazed at the perseverance and persistence of this woman who has had a discharge of blood for twelve years. A discharge of blood meant that she was unclean. She had been unclean for twelve years. She was cursed. She was an outcast. Whenever she passed through the towns, she had to scream, "Unclean! Unclean!" So that everyone could avoid touching her, or even making contact with her. Yet, here she is in this great crowd. She is in a great crowd, no doubt, muttering, "unclean, unclean" trying to avoid touching anyone, while at the same time struggling to reach Jesus. She is a desperate woman, desperate for love, desperate for healing, and knowing full well that Jesus obtains both.

She approaches Jesus timidly, because she knows that as an unclean person, she is not supposed to touch anyone. Touching someone means that she makes that person unclean. So she sneaks up behind Him, hoping to touch the hem of His garment, hoping that He won't notice. Why does she not want Jesus to notice her? Because an unclean person touching anyone else who was not unclean was against the law. Should she be caught, she would be stoned. So she reaches out and touches the hem of Jesus' garment...and she's healed! Immediately, she feels herself being healed. This blows my mind.

But then, even more amazing, Jesus notices that some of His power has gone out from Him. You can imagine the look of surprise and confusion on the disciples' faces when Jesus asks them, "Who touched me?" They were in a great crowd! People were pressing in on Jesus from every side, and He asks, "who touched my garments?" What is He saying? What is He getting at here?

The woman, knowing full well that she is the guilty suspect, comes trembling before Jesus. She is guilty. She knows she is guilty. She deserves to be stoned. She tells Jesus the whole truth. But Jesus, to her amazement, calls her "Daughter." And He tells her to go in peace.

This is the best part of the story for me! This is the part that strikes courage and hope in my heart! Why? Because, this woman is just like me. I'm the kind of person who knows that I am guilty, filthy, and unworthy to touch my Savior. But I know more than anything that I need Him. I need Him so much. So I'm going to sneak up behind Him, brush His garment, and run away and hide. But Jesus isn't going to let me do that. Jesus isn't going to let me sneak past Him, just like He didn't let this woman sneak behind Him.

No, Jesus comes to the ones He loves. Jesus seeks them out. Jesus confronts us. He looks into our eyes and calls us "Daughter." He calls us "Child." That is the whole point of "Emmanuel" God with us. Jesus comes to us. We are fearful and guilt ridden, deserving His judgement. We are unclean. We are filthy.

But when we touch Jesus, instead of making Jesus unclean, we become clean! This story blows my mind.

I am the unclean woman. I am the filthy wretch. I am the one who deserves punishment. But I am the one that Jesus came for. I am the one whom He looks in the eye and says, "Daughter." I am the one who is made clean. I am beloved. I am perfection. Amen.

photography

2011-02-09T20:32:00.000-08:00

Here are pictures at last. It's been forever since I put up any pictures and for that I'm sorry. I haven't been so camera happy as of late, due to school work, piano practice, and the lack of my own personal digital camera. I snagged my mother's camera a couple times in the last two weeks to take some pictures of the after math of our two snow storms. The first snow storm was a wretched blizzard--windy, cold, and harsh. There were a lot of drifts afterwards and a lot of bare patches where the snow had just blown over.

The second storm was very pretty. The snow fell thick and heavy with much less wind, leaving several inches of perfectly level and perfectly white snow. I love snow, but I am so glad that we do not have that much of it. Being cooped up inside for an entire day is even more tiring than four hours of dance practice. I feel so restless, like I've got so much unspent energy inside of me that's just waiting to burst out. Granted, by the end of dance class on Friday, I won't have any energy left in me, but ah well.

Due to the snow storm I have missed two choir practices and one dance practice. The dance practice I was rather glad to have missed, since my back was hurting anyway. It still hurts a little, but I think it's getting better. I'm hoping it doesn't flare up again when I dance tomorrow.

We had choir practice this evening. I think we're making good head way on all of our pieces. We only have three so far.

Enough talk. Here are some pictures.

Me in the snow:

Christa in the snow:

Me trying to be photogenic and capture some really nice lighting but failing. Ah, well.

God bless!

chills and thrills

2011-02-04T16:29:00.000-08:00

With an hour to wait before Ben's Biology class finished, there was nothing else to be done but run outside and build a snowman. For the past thirty minutes or more, the snow had been falling softly and beautiful, just the way snow ought to fall. With every minute it seemed to get thicker and fluffier and all the more tempting. I suggested the idea first and Rebekah was not in the least bit hesitant to second the motion. We pulled on our gloves, hat, and scarves and raced outside. Greg, who had nothing better to do, followed us with his bare hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jacket.

Walking outside was like standing in the middle of a cold cloud. The air was still and feathery flakes drifted slowly down from a white sky to land on your nose. If you happened to catch one on your glove, you could peer at it closely and see the shapes and patterns of the flakes clustered to your hands. It was all a magnificent projection of our God's glory. The magnitude of His creativity and His attention to the little details were spelled out in every way possible.

Even though our teeth rattled in the frozen cold, we could not help but be absolutely happy. Rebekah and I raced around the parking lot in our rubber boots, splashing through puddles of slush, squealing and giggling like little girls. Greg followed at a safe distance, so as not to be splattered with mud. And I thought I heard him chuckle a couple of times.

Rebekah was the first to step off of the parking lot and into the snow-covered grass. Snow is deceptive. It looks so solid and sturdy and shallow and you can never tell if it really is or not.

We screamed as our feet sank into the snow and the clumps of coldness slipped down our boots. The snow got deeper, not shallower, as we trudged on, but this had no effect on our merriment. We then decided to climb to the top of a little hill. It could hardly be called a hill. It was a mound of dirt that had been piled up several months ago to drain rain water into the ditches. We deduced that since the top of the hill was taller than the bottom of the hill, the snow must be shallower up there.

We were deceived again by the smooth surface of snow that rested along the side of the hill. It was knee-deep, in some parts it was over my knee. Rebekah and I found ourselves stuck, laughing and squealing, our pants completely drenched. Greg went before us, taking long strides in the deep snow, and eventually reaching the top of the hill. I followed him, stepping in his tracks, and Rebekah followed me, audibly complaining about how Greg's legs were far too long and she could hardly reach the next track from the last.

All three of us reached the top, cold, wet, but still thoroughly excited by the snow, which I have to admit is somewhat of a rare sight in Oklahoma. After several minutes of weighty contemplation and indecisiveness, we all decided that there was nothing more to be done. We

had to build a snowman. I can't remember the last time I built a snowman. I must have been ten years old. But I built a snowman that afternoon, on top of a hill, by the roadside, in the freezing cold.

We built our snowman. We waved at the snowplows as they passed us by on the nearly vacant street. We named our snowman Joe Bob. It was the best afternoon I have had in a long time. And it goes to show that you are never too old to build a snowman.

Oh and I forgot...yesterday or the day I wrote the above was this Bug's birthday. My youngest brother Calvin is now ten years old! I am so, so thankful for him and for the amazing testimony to God's grace that He has been in my life.

ranting, dancing, and random

2011-01-14T20:30:00.000-08:00

Right now I am in the depths of despair. No seriously. Jars Of Clay, Mercy Me, Thousand Foot Krutch, Matt Maher, The Afters, and Lecrae are touring together for the Rock & Worship Road Show, but they're not coming to Oklahoma! Not anywhere remotely near! Except for Dodge City, KS. I am throwing a tantrum right now. Somebody's going to get some hate-mail very soon or something.

Not really. But still. How many years has the R & W Road Show come to OK ('course I never wanted to go in previous years), but this way there is no way they can possibly drop in at OK?

Enough of my rant. I'm actually not that upset or anything. I'm just tired right now and felt like writing that, just in case one of the members of Jars or something happened to read it! Ahem. I've had a very, very good day.

Chemistry class was good. I need to work harder at chemistry though. My grade is wavering, more like, it's decreasing. I've been so caught up with Algebra (my overall grade has increased 6 points in the last two months, which means I now have a B in the class! Whoot!) that I'm slacking off on Chemistry. It's not like it's that hard. I know I could do so much better I just need to focus. I'm so scatter brained sometimes. Ugh.

Anyways. Ruthers has her driver's license now and she is super excited about that. She's going to run us all into bankruptcy by chaperoning everyone around she possibly can. She's seriously having way too much fun. She said to me this afternoon, "having your license and being able to drive yourself around gives you a wonderful sense of freedom! I love it!" So tomorrow we are taking an hour-long road trip to help Pastor Noah and his family unpack and move into their new house. Whoot! It's going to be fun! Pray we don't die.

As for the rest of today, it was mostly all dance. I had my private dance class students here this morning which is always fun. It was a little hectic with Babzie and other peoples around as well, but Fridays are always thus. Then my dance practice was from 3:30 pm to 8:25 pm. 3:30-4:30 Mrs. H, Susanna, and I sang/played through some of the songs we want to do at our spring recital. One of them is Einini (which I have trouble pronouncing all the Gaelic words on) and another one is called "The Ribbon Roads" by Keith and Kristyn Getty. It's not really an Irish song, but the Getties are Irish and the song, while contemporary, sounds very traditional. And it's a beautiful song all throughout.

Beginner's class started at 4:30. I got to teach my group of beginners the counting Irish song. It was so, so fun to see how enthusiastic they were to learn the "when I was one, I sucked my thumb, the day I went to sea! I climbed aboard a pirate ship and the captain said to me! We're going this way, that way, forward and back, over the Irish sea, a bowl of jelly to fill my belly, and that's the life for me!" They were singing it all through the halls as they left and everywhere. It was so cute! Wish they were always that enthusiastic about dancing. But all in all, we have a great bunch of kids who are all really improving and doing their best to excel in dance.

Then the advanced dancers (my practice, where I actually practice) started at 6:30. We have the awesomest new treble reel A Capella choreography. Parts of it are a paraphrase off of Riverdance. We have a "thunderstorm" part where one starts the "rain" at the end of one line and after the one person starts, the next person joins, and the next, and the next, until you have a whole booming sound of dancers and then it stops. We even do the dramatic cliche head-turn to the side as we go down the line.

Then I came home after dance, ate some leftover pizza, and watched Guardians of GaHoole with my siblings. I liked the movie. I've never read the books, but I've heard they're good. There are so many books I need to read. I need to make a list or something. No, I don't need to make a list. Booklists always intimidate me into not reading anything at all. I'm a horrible reader. I don't blaze through books. I like to pick them up in my own good time, slowly mosy through them, maybe get sucked into the really good ones, and then come back to them when I feel like it.

That about sums up my day. Tomorrow after Ruth and I get home, I will be going to be babysitting my piano teacher's kids. That should be interesting. I've never met her kids, though I know my younger brother has in choir. I hope they're well behaved.

I tried putting some photos from Christmas up earlier, but this stupid computer wouldn't let me! So I suppose you will have to wait. They should be up soon though.

oh my dear II

2011-01-07T19:01:00.000-08:00

Here is what I probably should have put on the previous post but was too lazy to then. If you noticed my previous post, it's pretty much blank. I'm guessing most of you haven't noticed. If you're like me, you get around to checking other peoples' blogs about once a month. Anyway, if you did happen to notice (hehe, I'm just feeling all rambly tonight, aren't I?) you were probably left wondering..."okay? What was that about? Good song, but..."

So in this post, I'm expounding on my thoughts for the song "oh my dear" by Tenth Ave. North. If you've never heard the song, go listen to it. Basically, it's a song about someone helping a friend overcome the struggles of fear, doubt, and regret for past sin. I love that song because that's the kind of person I want to be. I want to be the kind of person who sees a person struggling and says, "I'll wait right here with you until grace pulls us through." But I'm more than often not. So this post is dedicated to all the "oh my dears" in my life who I have without excuse ignored.

Oh my dear,

There were nights when you were left alone outside in the cold, to bear all the burdens of your doubts and fears and insecurities. There was no welcome warmth from within the house. There was no one there to comfort you. And you thought you were alone.

But I was there. You didn't see me. I stood within the house, behind one of the windows. I watched you as you wrapped your arms around yourself to ward off the hateful chill. I stood there, my insides so cold they felt like stone. But I did not move. I stayed where I was and prayed that the God who somehow loved me would wrap His arms around you, in the way that I never could.

Oh my dear, can you forgive me? For all the times that I neglected you? I am without excuse. I could have moved. But I was a coward.

Oh my dear, every day I pray for you. Every day I pray that you will come to me since I know I will never come for you. I want you to know that I love you. And I want you to know that we have a Father who loves us both like we could never love each other.

He is a Father who meets us where we will not move. He is a Father who confronts us where we try to hide. Oh my dear, will you run to Him? Will you run to Him with me?

oh my dear

2010-12-24T15:04:00.000-08:00

the least of my concerns

2010-12-16T19:26:00.000-08:00

The title of this post is the kind of person I want to be, the kind of person I'm constantly resolving each year to become, the person who drops everything and follows God when He calls them. I want to be the person in the crowd who's willing to give myself away for the needy, for others who might need a little help.

Looking back over the past two years of my life, I've noticed how many opportunities I've wasted at helping others. I missed many opportunities because for so long I thought that in order to help people I had to go out and find people. While all along, I was missing the people surrounding me who needed my help or could use a little more love, like my family, my church, and my friends.

My family, especially. I'm continually ignoring the problems that go on around here, failing to pray for my siblings and serve and help them. With my parents getting older, my siblings growing up and needing examples, and myself growing up and becoming more of a leader than a follower, I've really noticed these failing areas in my life that I've been ignoring.

Well, even though it's not the new year yet, this is going to be my chief resolution and I hope it's the resolution I make every year, every day of every year, every morning when I wake up. I want to resolve to die to myself and live for others.

A song by Jars Of Clay made me think of this (songs have that affect on me). In their song "No Greater Love" there's a line that says,

Is it still my turn?
I think I'm the last one to learn,
that the life I lose is the least of my concerns!

I've heard this song many times, but it really occured to me when I heard it the other day that my life is my greatest concern--and it shouldn't be! I am the last person to learn that my life is the least of my concerns. My greatest concern is supposed to be God's people, my family, my church, everyone else around me, but not me.

I apologize for the scanty updates and meager thoughtful posts. Also, I apologize for the tacy layouts. I've been experienting with different lay outs, trying to find more seasonal colors and such.

For now, happy holidays and God bless! Since break is approaching, I will probably be posting more often within the next couple of weeks.

updates

2010-12-14T16:59:00.001-08:00

Last night at around 11:30 p.m. I got home from a week-long trip to New Mexico. Some very good friends of mine invited me to go skiing with them. I've got some school to catch up on now that I'm home, but I'm very glad I took the trip. It was a fun and good experience. I'm no expert at skiing, but I didn't die (on the slopes or the lifts) and I had fun. Skiing is a lot like skating. Once you learn how to stop and control your skis, it's really easy. And I didn't get too sore skiing. My shoulders and back ached a little afterward, but other than that, I felt really good.

There were a few flukes to the trip. Such as, I forgot my snow boots and left them at home so Mama had to mail them to our cabin. But that wasn't really detrimental to the trip at all. It was wonderful to wake up to a beautiful view of the mountains every morning and to see snow outside every day. The cabin we stayed in was located in a beautiful little old fashioned town, located mostly down one main street. It was fun being able to walk wherever I wanted to or needed to and not have to worry about criminals or crowds.

My friend, AJ, and I did a lot of shopping, mostly window shopping. I got a really cute and warm ski hat to go with my ski goggles. And then I bought a birthday present for my good friend, Becks.

I thank God for a good and safe trip. And I thank Him for getting us all home safely. That trip was probably the very first time that I've ever been away home without at least one of my siblings. It was very strange. I realized how attached I am to my family, how much of a part of me they are, and how much I love them. My parents got me a cell phone so I could call them when up there. I talked to Ben a couple times concerning home work problems and Algebra, but for the most part I talked to my mom.

Now I'm home and I'm so looking forward to Christmas! Libby and Anna are coming home for Christmas, so the entire family will be together and at home for the holidays. Within the next couple of weeks, our family plans consist of decorating (plus cleaning), going to see the new movie Voyage Of The Dawn Treader, and going ice skating all together!

On my own personal agenda, I have a lot of home work to catch up on thanks to the trip. Not too much, thankfully, since I worked ahead a little. And then I really need to clean my bedroom. Ruth dutifully kept it a mess while I was gone. I also have a lot of piano practice to do. I'm currently working on a Mazurka by Chopin and a Sonatina by Clementi. And then for my own pleasure, I'm working on perfecting "Times" by Tenth Ave. North and I'm playing a beautiful piece from The Man From Snowy River called Jessica's Theme (Breaking In The Colt). I love the piece. It's so, so fun to play and it's so pretty! And, yes, if you didn't know already I'm a huge fan girl (still) of all things Man From Snowy River. I like a lot of old westerns, but that one is definitely my favorite.

Also, I need to finish reading the first three chapters of Zechariah and I'm currently reading through the Psalms as well and just finished reading II Thessalonians. And over Christmas break I plan on finishing up John Piper's Desiring God. And then I want to start a book by C.S. Lewis. I don't know which one I should read. We own practically all of them and all of them are so good!

But for now, I need to go finish cleaning the kitchen...just as soon as I'm done listening to "Hot Air Balloon" by Owl City.

God bless!

an unforgetful father

2010-11-20T18:12:00.000-08:00

I get upset with my parents when they forget things, things that seem important to me, or things that I want them to remember. I get annoyed with them when they forget little things. I get mad at myself all the time for forgetting things! It's amazing how forgetful we people are! And it's amazing how ignorant we are.

I love having a Heavenly Father who's not forgetful, not ever. Sometimes (a lot of the times) I forget that God is unforgetful (haha).

Here's a song from Jars Of Clay. Anna shared it with me and I loved it. The words might as well have been coming from my own mouth. God's lived through every childish tantrum I've thrown at him and He's seen through every single lie I've tried to tell Him, myself, others...

restless

2010-11-07T15:04:00.000-08:00

I heard this song on the radio this morning on the way to church.

It's a beautiful song. Very few songs make me cry, but this one did.

My weeks have been absolutely busy. I like busy weeks. I like to be able to keep working and keep working fast. It helps me not be lazy when I don't have the time to slow down. But in the midst of a busy, busy week, it's easy to come to the beginning of another week and try and throw the day of rest, Sunday, in with the rest of the other days.

Like all other days, on Sunday, I'm stressed, I'm in a rush, I have to get ready, and then I get into the car and have to sit there for an hour while we drive to church. We usually turn on the Christian radio. For the most part they play cheesy Christian worship songs which I don't really care for, but every now and then you'll get a real gem like Audrey Assad on.

The song "Restless" really hit me this morning. Because not only was I tired but I didn't really want to go. Saturday had been a very busy day. In fact, most of our Saturdays have been busy days for the past month. And I woke up this morning really tired and I had slept funny on my neck, giving me a crick in my neck and a horrible headache.

But the heart of the matter was not my headache. I liked to think it was. The heart of the matter was that I don't love Jesus so much that every Sunday morning, I am eager to go to His House, despite how I feel. My love is so shallow that I get a little headache and I suddenly don't want to go to church. Because somewhere in my heart, I believe that unless I feel good, unless I feel good about myself, I can't possibly enjoy worship Sunday morning.

That's why this song had such a great impact on me.

Because I'm restless until I rest in Christ. As much as I want to come to my Savior, perfectly whole, I can't. Because He is the healer. And to try and heal myself before I run to my healer is futile. There's no point to it. And we're only going to beat ourselves up more and more until we run to Jesus Christ.

Our pastor talked about humility this morning in the service, how humility is not us looking down at our feet because we are ashamed. Humility is when we raise our eyes to Heaven in the midst of our sufferings, when we look up to Jesus Christ. When I'm hurt, when I'm ashamed with myself, when I've failed, I like to look down at my feet. I like to avoid my Savior.

God's teaching me that the place to point my eyes in the midst of my pain, the middle of my suffering, the darkness of my shame, is not the ground, but up to Him.

So, like every other Sunday, I was very glad that I had come. I always come away filled, ready to face another week, and so full of joy! This morning, especially, I was glad to see all the seats full in our church! We're still only a few months old, but I keep praying that this church grows rapidly. God's really blessed me in this church, taught me lessons that I don't believe I could have learned in my home church. Like in every other area of my life, He's showing me the greater picture.

I have a very narrow minded view of my own abilities and I often limit God's abilities too, just because I know how incapable I am of so many things. God's showing me how amazing He is, how He can work through and in any situation, and how He can use me in so many ways.

Speaking of God using us for His work, our high school girls' Bible Study had a bake sale on Saturday. We raised money to pack shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child. It was a really good sale! I made chocolate chip and toffee chip scones for the bake sale. And everyone else made delicious goodies to sell! There was lemon cake, chocolate caramel popcorn, all kinds of cookies, bread, even cheesecake! And we raised over $300!!! This week we're going to have a shoe-box packing party and I am so excited! :)

I believe that's all I have for now. Perhaps later I can write more of an update-ish post.

God bless!

goodies (simple pleasures)

2010-10-14T20:34:00.000-07:00

Here is another and hopefully an enjoyable post for all you dear readers. I was just thinking tonight, after a busy evening with good friends and family, about how simple but beautiful my life is. I love being in a big family with parents who take the time to take long walks down to the lake, like this one in the pictures below, with all of us.

This was a couple weeks ago, but recent enough. The weather is turning from summer to autumn, quite instantaneously. It's lovely! Anyway, my family and I took a beautiful walk down to the lake, a couple miles worth of a hike, on a cool early autumn evening. It was amazing. Absolutely amazing.

The lake is one of those places that is so peaceful. You arrive and you don't want to leave, because it's the perfect place to think and reflect and there's nothing in the way of you doing so. The lake is a place where God is never silent, at least I always can see Him so clearly. It's a place that bears the remains of many long gone but still precious memories.

The lake:

Greg's photography, by the way.

See the heron? I'm not really pointing at it. But I was.

And then the camera died before I could capture any of my other siblings. Ah, well.

This is a scanty post, but I hope you enjoyed it. God bless!

the one thing we need and the last thing we deserve

2010-10-01T20:18:00.000-07:00

Behind the closed door, voices were raised, grief unleashed, and anger released from its chain of self control. It took place before anyone knew what was happening. All the discontent, discomfort, self-pity, sustained hurt, all the held back tears, came rushing out in an out pour of words and cries that made no sense to the human ear.

To the outer world, beneath the starlit sky, draped in a blanket of darkness, all was silent. No one heard this poor man's cry. No one heard the sighs of a soul, weary of being tread over by careless feet. No one heard, save one.

There was one, hiding in the shadows, on the other side of the closed door. One small soul, feeling smaller by the second, was listening to it all. Because all these words made sense to her. She had been the instigator of them, though at the time she hadn't known. She had been one of those careless pairs of feet, too caught up in herself to even bother with anything or anyone else, and far too selfish to even imagine that perhaps there were other people in the world not quite as selfish as she!

But it was all too late now, all too late. It was too late to make amends, too late to take back what it was she had said. Too late to do anything but cling to herself and pray that by some miracle, they would be able to forgive her.

"God, I know nothing's impossible for you, but if my heart is so small, how can I expect others to make room in their own for me?"

The cries from within subsided and afraid of being discovered, the lonely figure rushed out into the night, beneath the canopy of stars. There was comfort beneath those little lights, and warmth even in spite of the cold air. The girl clung to herself, shivering and sobbing. And praying.

"Father, help me forgive them. Help them forgive me. I didn't know what I was doing."

It amazed her that after all these years, they both had yet to learn how to forgive. After all the times they had indeed forgiven each other, they still did not know how to forgive themselves. She prayed that, like so many years gone by, they would forgive each other again.

Even though she knew, beyond a doubt, it was the last thing she deserved.

Light Meets The Dark Tour 2010

2010-09-21T18:09:00.001-07:00

Mama, Anna, and I went last night to the Oklahoma State Fair to see Tenth Avenue North's concert for their "Light Meets The Dark" tour. I'm not exactly sure what to say, other than it was really, really amazing. The sound was different from last year's concert, it was louder, probably due to the fact that they were in an outdoor venue instead of a church like last year. Also, the crowd was waaaay bigger. There were a few hundred chairs set up when we got there. By the time the concert actually started, all the chairs were full and there was a really, really big crowd of people gathered around, all standing. It was amazing!

I had been praying that a lot of people would come to the concert. Like last year, the band supported Compassion International and offered opportunities to sponsor a child by bring "the little Jesus'" with them. Mike Donehey complimented us western peoples by wearing jeans and cowboy boots. And, as always, he did a very good job of bringing God's Word of truth, not just in the music, but in his speaking. I think the best parts of the concerts are when Mike talks.
Their music sounded different, it was a lot more rocky and less worship style. One thing I wish they had put up was a screen with the lyrics to their songs with them. I already knew all the songs, but it would have been nice for people who didn't know the songs.

They didn't play all their new songs, in fact they played several of the songs from their album "Over and Underneath" but they did a very good job of it. Jeff got to show off his guitar skills with some (what I call "flashy") solos. They even had a key board.

Yet even with the better quality sound system, stage, lighting, guitars, etc, they still retained a very humble aspect to the whole concert. Mike Donehey said that, "we're not here to perform, we're here to celebrate what Jesus Christ has done for us." Yes, they performed well, and yes, Mike would jump and dance around the stage but they obviously weren't trying to be "cool" or be popular. Their loud music served its purpose in getting peoples' attention, but the band immediately pointed all that to Christ.

The best part was when Mike explained the song, "House of Mirrors". When they finished the song, Mike said, "And all the teenagers are thinking 'cool, shattering glass sounds awesome!'" He went on to explain how it was an analogy. And how everything beautiful in this world that draws our eye, everything that we think will fulfill our desires, are merely mirrors reflecting the goodness of God. And so rather than keeping the focus on ourselves, or on our boyfriend, or girlfriend, or on this thing, or on that thing, we should rather keep our focus on Jesus Christ.

And we should strive to be reflections ourselves of God's glory. You can see that in their music, in their performance. Their goal is not to draw attention to themselves, but rather to reflect the One who they sing, and talk, and spread the Word about.

One other thing I wish they had done last night and didn't. I wished they had played some of their quieter songs. I guess they only had so much time and that younger crowds appreciate louder music, but for me, I would have loved to hear "Empty My Hands" or "Times" or "On and On". Oh, well. It was still a very good concert. They opened it with "Strong Enough To Save" and closed it with "Love is Here".

I pray that a lot of people walked away from that concert, freed to believe that their identity is not in what they do, or who they are, but that their identity is found in Christ. He is the ultimate standard of perfection and He ultimately fulfilled perfection for us. I know that God is using this band, not just in my life, but in many, many others.

And now after my very fangirly rant...here are some photos.

Matt Maher toured with the band. He played first.

Then Addison Road played. My favorite song of theirs is "Change In The Making". So sorry, I didn't get any better photos of them.

And here's the stage. It looks like we're very far away, but we were actually some of the people closest to the front.

"Look at all the pretty things!" And everyone claps and sways and sings a long for the "O-O-O!"

And...these are all of Mike. I don't know why, but he seemed to be the only person my camera wanted to properly focus on.

And here is me this morning with my new Tenth Avenue North t-shirt.

If My Heart Was A House...

2010-09-19T14:11:00.000-07:00

This is what I call a perfect combination of my brother's photography skills and my sister's graphic-making skills. Thank you so much, Anna for making this! It's beautiful and I love it.

I love it so much I just had to put it up here and share it with you all.

The Patience Of Christ In The Face Of My Discontent

2010-09-12T16:09:00.001-07:00

It seems everyone in my family decided to have a crisis today! First Greg, then me, and then Ben. I don't know about Ben and Greg, but over the past couple of days I've been on an emotional roller coaster. I seriously think I get by-polar or something when I'm tired. But on a roller coaster like this, I lack the patience and the thoughtfulness to watch my mouth. I'm upset, because I know I've probably hurt a lot of people within the last few days.

My parents don't let me get away with this attitude for long, thank God. I'm amazed at how patient my father is and how loving he is when talking with me. I know I'm not that loving when I think someone else is wrong. I open my mouth and don't bother to think of the effect my words have.

Well, as I was saying, my dad was extremely helpful in stopping me and telling me that at times like these when I'm not feeling well, I need to guard myself. And more than ever, I need to remember the promises of God. Providentially enough, I'm reading through the book of Job. How fitting! In the face of Job's sorrows, I see my selfishness. Job did not sin in all his sufferings. When things get ever so slightly tough, the first thing I do is melt into a ball of selfish emotions and self-pity. Sometimes all I need is a little perspective.

The changes in my life are good changes. They don't exactly measure up to my personal standard of comfort, but they are still good. Another thing my dad told me is that if I ask God, he will make me a light to others, no matter where I am.

I think this is the most vital thing that I've been forgetting. Another thing that has really sort of highlighted my week is a letter our family received from a very good friend of ours. He's about my age, but he writes like not many people know how to write these days...and he's extremely thoughtful too. I know that when I read the Bible, I don't look into it as much as he does. In fact, I was rather convicted by his letter with how much I miss while reading the Bible.

Anyway, here's a tidbit of an excerpt from the letter. Enjoy!

A servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ to a portion of the Church, the Fisher family. Greetings.

Words simply cannot express my thankfulness to God for you. I wish you to know that God has blessed me through you. Your lives have been a compelling example of God's grace. Your letters are encouraging and edifying and are dearly loved. So keep writing them!

1 Corinthians 13:13

"So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." What an amazing statement. In order to understand this passage we must first remember the context. In 1 Corinthians Paul seems to be "letting them have it". The believers in Corinth have strayed into things of the world and Paul is giving them major guidance, a closer look at the map of Christ - like living you might say. Chapter 12 talks about Spiritual gifts and then talks about the incredible union of the saints in Christ (I'll get back to that :)).
Chapter 12 ends with this "But earnestly desire the higher gifts. And I will show you a still more excellent way." Paul then goes on to describe love (the more excellent way) in Chapter 13. Okay now that we have that we can go ahead...right? Wrong!
Now at this point I always find it helpful to define terms. What is faith or hope or love? Here are some rough definitions.

Faith: An unquestioning, unfaltering belief in something or someone; illogical or not, seen or not, felt or not. No matter what.

Hope: From Websters 1828
"Confidence in a future event: the highest degree of well founded expectation of good; as a hope founded on God's gracious promises."

Love:...I...hmm?...argh!...

3 days later. In my foolishness and pride I thought I could come up with a definition for love. Websters was simply not enough. I could be found pacing the dining room, living room, and my room at all different hours wrestling with this (a habit Anna and Abby found most delightful in Enid ;)). I started with what the Scripture (1 Corinthians 13 and co.) says about love and moved to what we learn about love from the Scriptures. Is love just a feeling? Well, no. Is love just an action? Well, no! Then what is love. Well who is God? (a much easier question :) ya right!) Jesus Christ is the embodiment of love, so knowing who He is should tell us about love. How can we know Jesus?

Through the Scriptures! All throughout the gospel there seems to be only two things foremost in Jesus' mind. The Father's will, and under that, the salvation of His people. Jesus constantly sacrificed for others and on the cross became THE sacrifice. As we so distinctively saw through the study of "The Cross He Bore" (Leahy) this sacrifice was active. We are often tempted to think of Jesus small and timid simply letting himself to be beaten. No! NO! NO!!
Christ's power shines all the more brightly when we see Him whipped...beaten...blood dripping from His brow...dragging His barely alive body to the cross...every step pure agony...like a solar eclipse God's face is turned away from His beloved Son...dragging His barely alive body to the cross...No comfort, No solace, no friend...dragging His barely alive body to the cross! One hour, two, three..."It...is...finished." To the very last second giving His all! Is this inaction?

By no means! Hold on while I let my hand stop shaking .

Okay, I think it's stopped. All this last page I've been trying to get us to see part of what love is. During all the pacing earlier I did come up with a definition *Love: A decisive, active, whole-hearted, joyful and sacrificial giving of ones self for others that deeply involves the emotions, the mind, and the soul and is rooted in actions. This definition while I think its a pretty good one, it still doesn't come close to really defining love. Jesus Christ is the ultimate definition of love, so go look it up (Genesis 1:1 - Revelation 22:21). :)

Okay now we can concentrate on 2 Corinthians 13:13. It's amazing to me how God first shows us love in the greatest possible way and then tells us that "A new commandment I give to you that you love one another...by this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:34..35)....

This brings us to my last point. When i read "So now faith, hope and love abide..." I immediately thought where do they abide? Obviously they abide in God, but do they abide in us? This question was convicting to me.
God has bid us be faithful hopeful and above all loving. Am I? Are you? This is something we should pray about...

Prayer is something that I really have neglected. I've failed to realize how powerful it is and how greatly needed it is within our family, our church, and everywhere.

He added one last bit to the letter where he sort of gave us an exhortation or encouragement at the end.

Dani: You will face trials and your life will seem to spin out of control. God is always in control and He loves you. Let go of control . Thank you. Watch (actively) what God can do.

I see God doing a lot in the church, through friends like this one. Thank you to all my friends. You are all testimonies of Christ and that in itself is a ministry of grace to me every day.

Thank you again and God bless!

To Be Brief

2010-09-08T18:36:00.000-07:00

Before this month runs away with me, I thought I would drop in and write a quick update-ish sort of post.

Life is crazy. And I don't like everything about it. As much as I enjoy singing in the choir, participating in dance class, practicing piano, and my music theory class, it's all so self-centered. I haven't had the time nor the opportunity to sit down and have a good meaningful conversation with anyone, not my friends or my family. It's sort of running me dry.

Not to mention, I'm tired and don't sleep very well because when I crawl into bed at night, my mind starts spinning and I can't stop thinking. It's weird, because I would have thought that chemistry and algebra should wear out my brain enough during the day, but they don't. Like I said, I'm not quite enjoying the change of things.

But, at the same time, I realize that life is not always the way you want it to be. And to avoid making this entire post nothing but a "woe is me" the weather has been absolutely fantastic! We've been getting a lot of rain today, but I think rain is exceptionally beautiful.

In the high school ensemble, I'm an alto. Surprised? So am I. It's understandable though, because the two other girls in the alto section aside from my sister can't match their pitch with the piano unless they're singing with someone else. My mother (sad to say) said that I was the only one who managed to match the right pitch when singing "happy birthday". But the whole point of this ensemble is to learn to sing. And it's fun, because we're being taught by a group of really enthusiastic music Education majors all in their senior years, I think.

So don't think my life is one big depressing melting pot. I just don't have all the luxuries I had last year. I'm beginning to see my life in "growth stages". Each year or month or season is different according to how much I've grown and what I need. Of course, I don't know what I need or where I need to go next, and so I have to trust God.

Speaking of friends leaving and such, God's a friend who doesn't leave. And He is way, way more than just a friend. I'm finding that the days when I forget to spend my devotional time reading my Bible, I'm either walking around with this big head and feeling oh-so good about myself or life is worthless and I'm depressed and I'm the spoiled brat who needs to get a bit of perspective.

I'm thinking that without Jesus, my life would be the shallowest pit in the world. Because I can tell the moment I take my eyes off of Him, I become just that, a shallow mess of emotions and self-pity.

So, it seems all my activities, I do on my own, and I do for myself. That's just the way it seems. I know ultimately that I'm doing them for God, but it's hard to remember that. I thank Him that I have a Christian math and science teacher and a wonderful mom for a music teacher who loves Christ with all her heart. They keep my focus in the right place and remind me every day why I'm learning what I'm learning.

A lot of the things I enjoyed last year, like a lot of time with good friends and my sisters, I don't get as much of this year. But I'm realizing that I don't really need those. It's hard to not have someone there every moment of your life to pour out your thoughts, feelings, etc whenever you need to but the less I grow dependent on others, the more I become dependent on my Savior.

I pray that this time makes me less self-centered and more God-centered.

And with that, I'll go finish my chemistry home work and then go to bed...goodnight!

Counting Stars: Music Review

2010-08-31T18:56:00.000-07:00

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been listening to this album, Andrew Peterson's latest release "Counting Stars". Words that come to mind when trying to describe this album are beautiful and personal. Andrew Peterson does an amazing job of communicating his own life and struggles with that of his fellow Christian. It seems that more than in any of this other albums, he talks about his family life, in particular in the songs "Dancing in the Minefields" and "World Traveler".

To expound on these a little, "Dancing in the Minefields" is about God's promises to be faithful in our lives. Andrew Peterson particularly references that of the life of his marriage, how "it was harder than they dreamed" but that is what God's promises are for. God does not promise us that things will be easy in our lives. In fact, He promises us that they will, in fact, be very hard. But He promises never to leave us. And because God is faithful, we can find and experience joy in the midst of all our trials, in the turmoil of a fallen world. That is the general message of the song, though very incomplete. I suggest you go and listen to it yourself. Andrew Peterson does an excellent job of collaborating music and lyrics perfectly to tell a story and convey the message he wants to.

The song "World Traveler" reminds me a little of his song "Family Man" from his album Love and Thunder. In this song, Andrew Peterson tells about how he dreamed one day of becoming a world traveler, seeing God's glory displayed in all parts of the earth, and how God fulfilled that dream of His...only differently than he had expected.

Instead of having his life fulfilled in experience and travel, he finds far more fulfillment than he had ever dreamed of in the simple life of marriage and family. He became the world traveler of the "human soul" when he "gave that golden ring to the one who gave his heart to him".

Throughout the entire album, Andrew Peterson's theme is the beauty and grace of God in the simple things of life, like family, and the church. His music style, while not so contemporary as his previous album, fits with his lyrics perfectly.

I highly recommend the album! It really is a work of art, spoken from the heart of a sincere follower of Christ.

[Here is the link to the official music video for "Dancing in the Minefields": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtTa81LyuQM]

Catastrophic Dance Practice and a 20 Hour Road Trip

2010-08-23T09:35:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling ever so slightly bloated after sitting in a car for 20 hours, doing nothing but sleeping, eating, reading a bit, listening to music, and chit-chatting with my sister and mother.

This weekend has been interesting.

Friday afternoon, my brother and I decided that we could walk straight from our Algebra teacher's church after class to dance class. Well, it was hotter than we had expected and the hike was longer than we had anticipated and our back-packs were excessively heavy with textbooks, not to mention we had to carry Ruth's 100 pound physics text book and binder, because she had left it at the church not wanting to take it around campus. So we hiked two miles to dance practice in the heat with our loaded back packs.

By the time we actually got to dance, we were half hour late. Neither of us had remembered watches and neither of us have cell phones. No big deal. After all it was the first day and there wasn't that much dancing going on in the beginners' class and so my teacher didn't really need my help with the class. Ben wandered off to the pastor's house for the next four hours and I hurried off to find the vending machine and hopefully a snack. To my dismay, the stupid vending machine didn't work and I lost $1.50 to it. The secretary told me she'd call the company and I could come back the next Friday to collect my money.

Well, that was a great start to my first class. I hadn't eaten anything since 10 A.M. and I had just walked two hours in the heat without a water bottle.

I was a bit sluggish and perhaps a little out of it as I helped our teacher with the younger class. But when our own (advanced class) practice started, I began getting my energy back. The more I dance, the more energetic I feel. I drank plenty of water and one of the mother's there had brought snacks. We were there from 4 to 8 P.M. so we were all missing out on our dinner. I shall have to remember to bring my own snack of some sort next time and ditch the vending machine.

Anyway, I had a lot of fun! We learned a new treble jig step and part of a new Ceili dance. We ran through all of our treble reel hard shoe steps.

I felt extremely pathetic by the end of it all. After not dancing for practically an entire summer, I am really out of shape. I couldn't wear my hard shoes for so much as half the hard shoe practice because they hurt sooo bad! My feet have gotten a little too tender. It's time to build up the calluses again.

Well, everything sort of went down hill after dance class. My brother and I got home as my eldest sister's "going away" party for college was already well under way. We always have one before she leaves. Unlike the past two years, my mother, sister Ruth, and I drove up with Libby. At least, we drove up halfway. My mom went so that Libby wouldn't have to drive all by herself. Ruth and I went because they were taking two cars and each person wanted an extra in the car. So Friday evening, I got home from dance and after everyone had left from Libby's farewell party, I went into a mad frenzy trying to get things together.

I don't understand why I was so upset, but I was. I was probably just tired. It wasn't like I had to pack that much. We were driving ten hours to the Terre Haut area in Indiana, going to church Sunday morning, and then driving home. It wasn't like I needed all that much. But like I said, I was tired and really didn't want to wake up at 6 A.M. the next morning to drive for ten hours just for the sake of driving!

And here I must say that I love my brother, Ben. I was balling my eyes out like a baby in my room, trying to make sure my outfit for Sunday morning matched when Ben comes in. Poor Ben. He always seems to stumble across me when I'm in one of those gloom doom and despair moods. He asked me what the matter was, I told him I was tired and didn't want to go tomorrow morning, and like a good big brother he just hugged me and said that it would be fun and that it wasn't going to be all that hard. Well, this made me feel a whole lot better. I always feel better when reassured that my siblings love me. I always know they love me, but as much as I hate being caught in one of my gloom-doom-and despair moods, it's always refreshing when I am.

So after decidedly convincing myself that this trip wasn't going to be all that bad, I took a shower, blow-dried my hair, and then got my pj's on and went to bed. Only to lay there until 1:30 in the morning because I couldn't sleep! I don't know why, but I couldn't sleep! Every part of me was aching with exhaustion, but my mind just wouldn't shut itself down. I got up, went out to the Living Room, found a book and read like mad until I couldn't keep my eyes open. And then I crawled back into bed and fell asleep.

Ruth's alarm went off at 6 o'clock, far too early. We were supposed to leave at 7 o'clock. Knowing my mother and how she and traveling schedules work, I knew that 7 really meant as soon as we get ready. It was clear that neither my mother nor my sister were going to be all packed and ready by 7. So I laid in bed until 6:45. It still wasn't enough time. My feet hurt, my legs hurt, my head hurt, and I felt like I hadn't had any sleep at all. I got up, managed to get myself dressed, started crying again, then fell asleep on the couch. I woke up long enough to get myself into Mama's car and then fell asleep until we stopped for lunch.

After lunch, I rode with Libby, feeling slightly better and more awake after a cup of coffee from Starbuck's. My legs still hurt really bad and being cramped in a car, I couldn't stretch them like I usually do a day after dance practice. I always ache a little after class, but by the close of this spring, I no longer got sore. My feet would always hurt, but there's no way to keep your feet from hurting. I am seriously out of shape and am going to have to practice more than once a week to get to where I used to be.

So, we drove ten hours up to Terre Haut, stayed the night in a hotel, woke up in the morning, went to church at the new church plant there, ate lunch with the congregation, said our goodbyes to Libby, and then we were off. Driving home was the worse. I really felt like a rag doll by the end of the trip, and I still didn't know what I was doing there. I knew of course that Libby needed someone else in the car with her and it was nice being able to talk with my sister before saying goodbye again, but it wore me out. And after all the driving and road trips I've taken this summer, I was ready to just stay home and remain home.

Ah, well. It wasn't all that bad. For the most part, I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. I've decided one thing though. I am not walking to dance practice this week.

Speaking of dance, one of my dance mate's mother is a photographer. She took these pictures from our spring recital in May. These are just a few of the pictures. The first are from the dress rehearsal and the next half of them are from the actual performance.

This is us rehearsing "triple time".

This is me and one of my dance mates rehearsing St. Patrick's Day traditional set. This is my favorite traditional set.

Here we rehearse a choreography of our own called "break out" done to music from Lord of The Dance. You can tell I get nervous on toe point. Rest assured, I didn't fall over like I thought I would.

Here we all are! This is the intermediates plus advanced dancers. There's a whole other class of beginners, but we didn't get a group picture of them.

All smiles! I'm surprised these pictures turned out so well, since this was taken after running through our program twice and some of the dances more than that.

Here is the advanced class. Sadly, two of these people are no longer dancing with us. One of them being my sister Ruth. But I still have an awesome time in here and some of the intermediates have moved up to advanced this fall, which is so great.

Lining up to practice our slip jig choreography one last time.

Performance night! The first dance was the traditional Ceili set dance four-hand reel.

This dance was the most fun. We did the traditional set Morris Reel (8-hand) with glow bracelets, white gloves, and a black light.

Our slip jig dance. I must say we did a very good job. I can't take much of the credit though, since we had such an amazing class.

Dancing the three hand! This was so much fun.

The final variation of our break out!

I'm laughing in this picture, because near the end of the dance I completely messed up on the left foot of one of my steps. It seems I always have to have one major mess-up in every dance performance.

It's been a good six years in Irish Dance! I have the best dance teacher ever.

Our teacher always hands out trophies to all the students at every spring recital. The last six years of dance have taught me a lot. I'm not extremely gifted in the dance area. I'm actually really tight, not as flexible as good dancers should be, but I've learned that when you enjoy something it's best just to work hard at it. Especially when you're performing, the enjoyment just naturally shines through.

That's the thing I love about my teacher, she enjoys dance for the sake of the dance. And because she enjoys it, we enjoy it too. She doesn't expect us to be amazingly talented, but she expects us to work hard. And it's easy to work hard at something when you love it. Thank you to all my dance class mates! Despite the fact that I missed several months of practice, this was one of the highlights of my dance class years! I'm looking forward to another year and perhaps yet another of Irish Step Dance.

God is good.

"You lifted my head, set me apart..."

2010-08-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

Here it is! I have been waiting for this ever since I heard that Jars of Clay was recording with Tenth Avenue North! I didn't expect it to be so amazing! Anyway, Jars of Clay has released their new song "Out of My Hands" featuring Mike Donehey from Tenth Avenue North. It's a beautiful song about Jesus' love for us, how He has rescued us, and how our attempts to rescue ourselves never work.

This song is beautiful, lyrically and musically. I have to say their voices go together amazingly. It gives you the feel of both bands really well.

There's nothing more I can say. The song speaks the rest for itself. :)

EDIT: My sister shared this with me. Jars of Clay is letting you download their song for free at this link: http://providentpromos.com/outofmyhands/main.php

"To be content with where I am, and getting where I need to be..."

2010-08-11T18:17:00.000-07:00

I was planning on uploading more photos than this, but since the computer seems to be having fun taking its sweet time loading everything, I decided that these will just have to do. I got to stay with my grandmother and my sister Anna for the month of June. It was a really neat experience. I got to know my grandmother like never before and we enjoyed a lot of good meaningful conversations together. And the surrounding country of Illinois is just absolutely beautiful. I'm still in love with that state.

We took a visit to the cemetery where my great-great grandfather is buried. There were some pretty amazing grave stones there. Anna got extremely camera happy.

This is a cool shot, despite the fact that I spoiled it.

Beautiful sunset. I believe Anna took this before I got there, sometime in late winter or early spring.

When I came up with my family the first weekend of June, my brothers managed to catch a baby vulture. They named it Buzz.

I guess vultures are born that way:

This little girl is a character. She's not related to us, but we get to baby sit her some times.

Me and little miss beautiful.

Look at that smile! She was probably talking to Greg about her adventures with the big legos. She doesn't really talk, but she makes some pretty cute noises.

Oh, yes!! These were taken this very night as our family continued its tradition of picking apples and then making bazoodles of apple pie fillings. We had some friends over and it was really fun.

We also got a snazzy new apple peeler. It works just like our old one, except the blade isn't quite so dull.

There about halfway there! By the end of the evening, they had them all finished.

Pie filling! Tasters welcome! There are no raw eggs.

My oldest sister is getting ready to leave for college once again and Anna has finally moved out of the house. She's not that far away and I will be seeing more of her than I have in the last six months, but still. It's not the same without her smiles in the house. Anna, dear, you will be missed very much. I am sure that whatever God has in store for you is good, so never fear to go forward with boldness and never forget to walk humbly with God. For it is only the humility in Christ that will make us bold in this life.

I'm saying this, because it's something that I believe God's been driving into my own head this summer.

Looking back on all these photos is humbling in itself, because I see that God has taken me a long way this summer. And that He has even greater things in store.

I sometimes wish that I could move through life faster to see what's up ahead. This week with my family of practically doing nothing has been driving me crazy, because for some reason I don't think God's doing anything with me here. If I'm not busy and working hard, I must not be getting better. But the point of life is not to get better, the point is to pursue Christ. I've been selfishly focused on making myself better or in pursuing my own life that I'm afraid I missed much of the time God has given me with my family. It's not every day that I get to sit around with my family and talk with them.

I know I'll miss this kind of time when school starts and when even more siblings start moving away. I pray that I never take for granted anything that God gives me.

I know He's given me an amazing summer! That summer is coming to close with a crash landing and school starts up again next week. God is good.

God bless, everyone!

As Summer Comes To A Close...

2010-08-04T16:03:00.000-07:00

Church camp was a really good experience, despite being sick for half of it. The best part was hiking five miles up a mountain. It was absolutely beautiful! I only got to hear two of the lectures given, due to being sick and one day my eye was swollen shut, but they still had a big impact on me. I think God taught me the necessity of humility in more than one way that week. He does have a sense of humor.

This is my dearest sister, Anna, and I. I know it doesn't seem so in this picture, but I really love her. :)

This is us once again on a brief hike up a trail. We stopped at a really cold creek. It was wonderful, especially on the dusty dry trail. :)

The week directly after camp, my family and I spent some time up by Lake Michigan with our extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc...). In honor of my sixteenth birthday, my family took me shopping to Baker Bookhouse. I bought a two-set hard back volume of John Calvin's Institutes of the Christian Religion. And I bought the entire sheet music with piano, vocals, and guitar chords included of Tenth Avenue North's album "Over and Underneath". It was certainly the highlight of my birthday! I'm looking forward to getting their "Light Meets The Dark" music as soon as it's out.

Speaking of "Light Meets The Dark", Tenth Avenue North is starting their newest album tour with Addison Road and Matt Maehr. I suggest you go to their website and look up their dates, see if they're coming near you!

I'm ecstatic, because it turns out that Andrew Peterson and Tenth Avenue North are both coming to our area this fall!

Andrew Peterson recently released his newest album "Counting Stars". Anna bought it, of course. I've heard a bit of it and what I've heard thus far is good. Of course, I wouldn't expect anything less from Andrew Peterson.

Another happy little highlight to my summer! On our drive up to Michigan, we happened to find a live interview with Andrew Peterson on a little local Christian station. It was actually funny, because we came in sometime in the middle while A.P. was giving his testimony of faith/how he became a Christian and we weren't quite sure if it was him or not. But Anna kept saying "it's got to be Andrew Peterson!" He basically was saying what he sings in his song "the good confession". It was a good interview, though the interviewer kept interrupting, which annoyed us.

I am now (finally) home! And I'm looking forward to starting school up about mid-August.

I never thought that I could be so excited about school starting! But I am. It might just be that this summer has been so long and tiring. Yet at the same time I really, really am looking forward to this coming fall! Looking at my schedule, I can already tell that I am going to be pretty busy. I'm praying that I don't accidentally take too much onto my plate. Most of my plans are not yet settled and I'm guessing that some of them aren't going to turn out. That's one reason why I'm excited about this fall. I can't wait to see what God's going to do!

If all goes well, I should be practicing piano a lot more and getting actual lessons from my mother starting this fall. And I'm hoping to start viola, but that depends on the rest of my school schedule. I'll be teaching dance class as well--yes, teaching, instead of simply attending. I'm really nervous. And I'm still wondering if I'm adequate. I guess you can never go into any situation fully prepared. That's what the learning process of life is all about.

God bless!

"Whether We Live Or Whether We Die, We Are The Lord's."

2010-07-14T16:28:00.001-07:00

I am currently reading through John Bunyan's The Acceptable Sacrifice. I'm about finished with it. I hope to finish it by Friday. I highly recommend it. It's not that heavy of a read and it's got some great insight to the work of God in the heart of a Christian.

I've enjoyed it simply because Bunyan basically shows what the Christian life looks like. The book is based off of the verse in Psalm 51 that talks about the sacrifices of God being a broken and contrite spirit and about how God breaks our hearts and wounds us simply to bring us to the realization that we don't just need him to heal the guilt that he inflicts on us, but we need Him to heal our sinful hearts and forgive us our sins. John Bunyan is so good at capturing the Christian life. If you've ever read his Pilgrim's Progress, you'll know what I mean.

This past week I've been helping my church with a local Vacation Bible School for children. It's been a lot of fun and a great growing experience for me. I pray that it's been one likewise for the children. I got to meet some amazing people from our church's denomination who had come to help out and be a part of the mission team coming to build the church plant our local church has started in another city.

I love the way that our church's VBS is set up. Pastor organizes the week's schedule to be a growing experience for us younger Christians. So, in the morning, the youth team joined for a time of prayer then worked with the VBS kids till about noon. Then we went to the park for lunch, played some soccer, and then went to the church's office for a time of Bible devotions and testimony-sharing. If you've never shared your testimony with someone or have never had the privilege of hearing a fellow Christian's testimony, you're really missing out.

Hearing all my friends' testimonies, whether I had just met them or had known them practically all my life, was like hearing the Gospel of Jesus Christ preached every single day, several times in a row. It's so amazing and so encouraging to hear and testify to the work that God is doing in someone else's life, to see how He brought them to a knowledge of their sin and into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I know that hearing their testimonies has really strengthened me, because a lot of my Christian friends who have been raised in Christian homes all their lives struggle with the same things I struggle with.

Assurance, for instance, has been a big doubt in my mind for years. Assurance of salvation and my own faith is hard to find when I've always "known" Jesus. From the time I was a child, Jesus has been preached to me. The Bible was practically my lifestyle! And yet that childish knowledge of Jesus was only the first step in a deep and intimate relationship with my all-powerful Savior. This past year has sort of been the awakening of my soul. The Gospel has never been disdainful to me, but I've never sought and yearned for it like I do now! It's like diving into the deeps of the ocean after realizing that you've been dipping your toes in the shallows for fifteen years.

I only wish that this point in my life would just stay this way. I know it sounds silly, but I have seriously never been so happy. And it's a happiness that has nothing to do with circumstances. A year ago, my attitude had everything to do with what happened to me and the way things went in my life. If events took a sudden turn for the worse or just an unexpected course, I went into hysterics. Not literally, but I didn't take it kindly. And I would always get mad at God for my selfish unhappiness.

Well, I've come to the realization that God is going to have His own way no matter how I feel about it. But I'm not supposed to feel good about what happens to me. I'm not even supposed to feel good about myself! What God has been steadily teaching me is that the only place I can ever be truly happy and satisfied is in Him. And once I've resolved to be joyful in God, I will find joy and peace in all of the circumstances God throws my way. Because an understanding of God is an understanding of His will, even if you don't know what God's will is.

So, rather than seeking my own way in life, I'm seeking the ways that God is trying to grow me in His grace. It's really just a change of perspective. And life really is going to suck if you don't understand that God is ordaining every detail of your life for your good. I know mine did until I understood.

And there's no one way to make yourself understand. I remember for months I was praying to God, asking Him to show me how exactly He was working in my life. Because I didn't see Him anywhere. But at the same time, I wasn't reading my Bible at all. And the Bible is the Word of God. It's the inspired Word of God and it's God's means of growing us as Christians and in growing His church. Not reading my Bible was like starving myself of God's grace. I was asking God to seek me out, but was neglecting my own duty and need to seek Him out. Reformed theology calls it "sanctification", the process by which God transforms us unto His ways. It's a process that's chiefly worked by God, through the reading and preaching of His Word. But it's also one that we do not passively perform. We have to actively seek out Christ. And when we seek out Christ, He is faithful to grow us in His grace.

The mission team leader, Stephen, told me that (I can't remember where he got this example) being a Christian is like having two dogs inside of you. One dog is our sinful nature and the other is our new nature in Christ. We have to starve our sinful nature and feed the new creation in Christ. That's another thing John Bunyan's book has really convicted me of. Towards the end of the book, he answers the question (paraphrase), "what do I do with myself once God has saved me?"

Over this past week our group did a study on the book The Cross He Bore by Frederick S. Leahy. Another book that I highly recommend. It's an insight to the divine suffering of Jesus Christ. And it's really gone hand-in-hand with The Acceptable Sacrifice. Because along with learning about Christ's suffering from Leahy, I am learning how Christ works that suffering to grow me in grace in my own life from Bunyan. I call it providence.

So all in all it really has been an amazing experience. I thank God for all my friends, siblings, and my pastor who really ministered to me. I don't know why He has blessed me with such a wonderful family in Christ, because I know I don't deserve it.

I'd like to close this post with a verse. It's a promise to us as Christians.

"If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's" (Romans 14:8).

God bless.

Sing It Out

2010-07-02T16:46:00.000-07:00

When it was just me and grandmother in the little old farm house, we would sit around and talk with each other for long amounts of time. She enjoyed talking to me about the "good old days", living on an old fashioned farm without a car, sewing your own clothes, etc. And then she'll start talking about the church back in the day, how it was so different from the church today. "Everyone would sing," she says. My grandmother loves to sing, she still does, but she says she was never good at it. But good or not, you were expected to sing out with all your heart in church. Do people really sing all that much in church anymore? I know that in my grandmother's church, a branch of the Lutheran Denomination, people don't sing that much. We would always go for the early service (the traditional service) which consists mostly of elderly people and a couple young families. The blaring pipe organ wouldn't have been so bad in that church if some of the people actually sang out. All the elderly would sing, but most of them hardly have voices. And then most everyone else just stood aside and mumbled along with the words or tried to find their place in the hymnal or just didn't sing at all.

In the book Faith and Feelings, which our youth group just finished reading, the author (can't remember who it is, will look it up later) made a lot of good points about worship. And one of his main points was that singing is one of if not the most important element of worship. Not the worship band, not the choir, but the members actively singing with heart-felt worship. Why is singing so important? Because, in heaven, in eternity, we're going to be singing. We're going to be praising God singing, "Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!" forever and ever! Phil Wickham makes that clear in his album "Heaven and Earth", how we won't be able to sing loud enough, and even after a thousand years our song will still be the same before God, full of the same joy, love, and adoration. This just sort of blows my mind.

We all know that worship is very important to God, that God wants us to worship corporately as a church, as the body of Christ. But if the worship band is doing all the singing and the congregation isn't following at all, where is the corporate worship in that? Worship is an act that the church has a whole performs toward God, but it also is an act that every Christian as an individual needs to take to heart.

The church as a whole can't worship God if the individuals aren't worshiping God.

I had no idea this was where I was going when I started this post, but I guess that's how most of my posts work. And I don't mean for this to be judgmental or condescending. More than anything, I want to encourage my fellow Christians to sing out in church.

Remember, we're going to spend an eternity with God singing and praising Him.

God bless!

In All Honesty

2010-07-01T07:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, my sister and I woke up at dawn, loaded the car, and headed off to home. We arrived yesterday late in the afternoon.

Driving home to be with your family after being apart from them for an entire month is a wretched business. I'm glad that no one was watching us, because if they were they would have probably thought us crazy. When we started getting close to home, we started squealing at the sight of any sign with our home town's name on it. And then we started squealing (with glee) when we came within range of our favorite Christian radio station.

I was so tired yesterday but so, so happy to be home!

Oh, and apologies for not giving any of you any warning that I was disappearing to my grandmother's for a month. In all honesty, I didn't get any warning myself. It was only supposed to be a weekend, but it turned into a month for me and I'm glad it did.

God has really used this past month to grow me in my relationship with Him, my sister, and my grandmother. Lack of internet access isn't so bad when you have plenty of good books to read and roads surrounded by green fields to take walks on.

Over the past month I've finished working through most of my American History curriculum (I still have two little booklets to complete) and I finished reading through all of the Old Testament books of the Bible: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth, and half of 1 Samuel. A lot of those books I had never read all the way through on my own. I'd heard them read to me by my dad during family devotions, but it's still not the same as reading it on your own. The book of Deuteronomy especially surprised me. There were verses and stories that stood out, most that I had never remembered hearing. My grandmother told me that no matter how many times you read your Bible, you'll always find something in there that you never noticed before, something that God is teaching you.

Also, I got to snag Anna's Guardian-King series and am now about halfway through them. A very, very good series, by the way. Basically the Guardian-King series in an allegorical fantasy tale of the Christian life set in a land called Kiriath. If you have never heard of or read the books I highly recommend them. They're by Karen Hancock.

I'm still finishing up John Piper's Don't Waste Your Life. I'm really enjoying it and learning a lot from it. Piper has a way of making you think. I'm planning on reading Desiring God when I'm finished with this one.

And then to top it all off, I'm reading The Acceptable Sacrifice by John Bunyan. The author's name may sound familiar to you. He's the author of Pilgrim's Progress and The Fear of God. If you've read either of those books and enjoyed them, you should read The Acceptable Sacrifice. It's a book explaining the verse in Psalm 51 where it says, "the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, oh Lord, You will not despise."

So, I did a lot of reading over this past month, which is good, because I wanted to get a lot of reading done this summer. But I didn't just bum around and read and do school work. I got a couple opportunities to help my grandmother with weeding her garden, cleaning the dishes, making meals, etc. Sunday morning we went to church and Wednesday mornings we went to Bible study.

Life is definitely different though when you have only one sibling around instead of seven. But I'm home now and I'm thinking it's going to be a little task getting back into the "swing of things". I come home and spring is over and summer is here.

Hopefully I'll be hearing from some of you soon. I've really missed you all and it looks like I've got a lot of catching up to do...

"We must be awfully small and not as strong as we think we are."

2010-05-25T08:04:00.001-07:00

I grew up on Rich Mullins. His songs bring back a lot of childhood memories. I was listening to one in particular recently, called "We are not as strong as we think we are." It was a song that Rich Mullins wrote after his divorce with his wife.

The first verse says: "It took the hand of God Almighty / to part the waters of the sea / but it only took one little lie / to separate you and me."

I like to think on songs, to "chew on them" for a while before I stop thinking about them. Well, this song really got me thinking. Because, Rich Mullins was a Christian. He was a Christian, but he still couldn't keep his marriage together. When things like this happen, when Christians who are supposed to be upstanding warriors for Christ fall apart like this, it makes me scared. Because like Rich Mullins said, "it only took one little lie" and what do you know, their marriage was ruined.

I know that I as a Christian often like to think of myself as invincible. I like to think that I can conquer myself and that there is no temptation that I can't withstand. But the thing is, Jesus Christ is the one who's invincible. I'm the dog who returns to his vomit. I am the old man who is already redeemed and justified, but not completely sanctified. I am not yet completely perfect. And I need to remember that.

I need to remember to be small and humble before Christ and remember that it is He, not I, who parted the waters of the sea.

The chorus to Rich Mullins song goes: "We are frail / we are fearfully and wonderfully made / forged in the fires of human passion / choking on the fumes of selfish rage / And with our hells and our heavens / so few inches apart / we must be awfully small and not as strong as we thing we are.

Rich Mullins point was that we are not so far from sin. We are in a sinful world, even though we are not of it. And as a Christian, it is easy to forget how weak we are. Let us never forget how strong Christ is.

"Life is in the dance--you choose Irish!"

2010-05-22T14:03:00.001-07:00

Our Irish Dance class of 2009-2010.

Sadly, next year we will be missing three people from that group. Anna, Ruth, and Katie S. Anna's starting nursing school, Ruth's finishing up her final year of high school, and Katie is getting married, moving, and starting graduate school. So many people are going to missing next fall. 'Tis sad, but I'm glad that I got to participate in this spring's recital all the same (pictures below) and I'm even more excited that I get to teach as an assistant teacher next year! With Katie leaving and Anna already gone and not coming back, Mrs. Hill needs another teacher! I'm so happy, because I really was hoping for an opportunity to start dance up full time again and cut back on all the expenses of tuition and such. Praise God! A door has been opened. :)

And here are a couple pictures from this spring recital.

The recital itself went very well, I'm happy to say. It was very well attended. We were not expecting such a large number of people. Can't say I danced amazingly, since I'm a few months out of practice, but I only made one major goof-up.

I must be off now! Home work calls! (To think I only have two more days and I'm finished with school! *squees with delight*)

The Light Meets The Dark

2010-05-15T11:39:00.001-07:00

We just received this album from my sister Anna on Thursday via my oldest sister, Libby and my Grandmother. And so, surprise, surprise! I am writing a review on it!

Bet none of you saw this one coming.

But seriously, the album was amazing. Mike Donehey in an interview said that (paraphrase here) wherein Over and Underneath they were trying to "beat the gospel into people's heads", The Light Meets The Dark is about the next steps that follow. The Christian journey begins with confessing your sins as the first song "Healing Begins" talks about.

It continues on with a struggle of belief. The Christian always struggles with believing that God is strong enough to save them and save them completely, as the following song "Strong Enough To Save" refers to and "You Are More".

Jeff in an interview described the "The Truth Is Who You Are" as sort of the center thought of the entire album. This song explains about how we have to accept Christ as an actual person, as the ultimate truth and how it's not enough just to confess with our mouths. We have to believe it with our hearts. The song is a testimony and a prayer with the words, "so grace, give me eyes to see."

Anna and I were both a little in awe of the fifth track, "All The Pretty Things". This song in so many words basically explains the "already, but not yet" as Pastor Parnell would call it. It's about how we're "fighting for what we already have received" and how we're so easily distracted from our ultimate goal with "all the pretty things" of the world.

I was thinking that Tenth Avenue North's songs after Over and Underneath couldn't possibly get anymore profound. Apparently I was wrong.

The sixth track "Any Other Way" is about how Christ needs to take our pain and we need to share our pain with him. Because "it's not love any other way". And in the same way, we need the pain of Jesus Christ.

"On And On" is probably (in my opinion) the most beautiful track on the entire album. It's a song from the personal perspective of Jesus Christ and is basically Christ pursuing us. I'm not going to say anymore, because I don't think I would do the song justice. You shall have to go listen to it yourself, if you already haven't.

The ninth track (yes, I'm well aware that I skipped the eighth), "House of Mirrors" is about how, as Christians, we have to move past ourselves and take our eyes off of ourselves before we can truly see Christ. It reminded me a lot of Pastor Noah's sermons. He likes to use the mirror analogy a lot. And I think it's a very fitting analogy.

I was also excited when I saw Scott's name on this track. Apparently he helped write this song and still is involved with the band.

The next track, "Empty My Hands" is probably the song that applied the most to me. Okay, it made me cry. Not many songs make me cry, but this one did. Why? Because it was like waking up for me. It's amazing how set we are on clinging to our dreams. Yeah, I know that I need to lose myself, but God don't take away the thing that I'm really trying to pursue, which isn't You. It was the lyrics, "My hands like locks on cages // Of these dreams I can't set free // But if I let these dreams die // If I lay down all my wounded pride // If I let these dreams die // Will I find that letting go lets me come alive?"

Yes, I know that was a spoiler, but I wanted to share it with you because it really, really impacted me. In the end, all we really need to do is surrender.

Those are the only tracks I'm going to cover, but I'll tell you that all of them are really good and definitely worth your money.

I know I am really impressed with how Gospel-saturated Tenth Avenue North's music is. And I'm so amazed at how their music and ministry is accepted. God is really using them and working through them to change lives.

Devastation and Reform

2010-05-10T21:00:00.000-07:00

Thinking on these words tonight. Because this is the way the Christian life is. It's a repetitive process of building up what you thought you had completed last year. You spend so many years tearing down bad habits and building up good ones just to discover that in a few minutes, you've torn down everything you thought you had built up. I like this song from Relient K, especially the line "failure is a blessing in disguise". I guess that applies to me in the sense that my failure shows me the blessing of Jesus Christ. Yeah, I've got failures. But without those failures I would never feel a single weight of the sin that separates me from Christ. And I would never see how great a price Christ paid to take my sin.

Yeah, my life is a repetitive cycle. But at least I get to live it in hope. I get to cling to the hope that one day it will end. One day it will be completed.

On that hopeful note, here's a picture of me and my amazing friends. Picture was taken by Evelyn:

This is the high-school girl's Bible Study from which I have learned so many amazing things this past semester. That's me in the middle in the pink striped shirt. And this crazy celebration was in honor of a very good friend who is leaving us this summer. Speaking of tearing down an old life and starting a new one. I have no idea what it feels like to have to move my whole life to a completely different place. But I do know that no matter what happens in the Christian life, God never stops guiding us. And wherever we are, if we seek His face, we will find Him.

And, Paige, I love you very, very much. And I know that wherever God puts you in this world, you will never stop being a blessing to me and to whoever else is around you. :)

God bless!

Oklahoma Is Beautiful

2010-05-01T16:19:00.000-07:00

The Indian Paintbrush seems to be in abundance this spring! Last year, it was a rarity to see it. But this year, it's everywhere! That's good news for someone like meself who loves to get snapshots of pretty flowers like this, using my dad's awesome camera.

They're not the best, because my dad's camera was dying. So I didn't get to take very many either, but I hope you enjoy them all the same! All of them unedited.

Edit: Wow! Two posts in one day! That's unusual. I guess it's just one of those days...

These many years of waiting will only be a sentence in the story.

2010-05-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

This long day will come to an end, and I believe it will end in glory, when we will shine like suns and stride the green hills with those we love and the One who loves. -Andrew Peterson

Just a quote. I hope it's a helpful reminder. I was going to add something, but I guess there's nothing more to be said, is there?

EDIT: White rabbit!

On April 27, 2010

2010-04-27T15:19:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard already, Tenth Avenue North's song "By Your Side" won song of the year at the Dove Awards! I am so, so excited about their new album "Light Meets The Dark" to be released May 11. On our local Christian station, they've already released "Healing Begins" and it's nice hearing it played. Like most Tenth Avenue North songs, I love it most for the lyrics! Though I think musically, I think they sound a lot better. Maybe it's just because their new album is better quality. :)

Now, more on the updatish topics, let me begin by telling you that I have been busy. The home work doesn't stop coming and I seriously just want to drop everything right now, because the weather tells me it's summer and time for school to be over! But that would be stupid since I only have like five weeks left anyway. So, I'm dragging my feet slowly but surely getting things done as needed.

And of course dance would get crazy just as school gets crazy. Seems that happens a lot in my life. I'm bombarded with a host of activities all at once and without warning. As much as I love dance practice, it's crazy getting ready for a performance while trying to teach students of my own! And Friday's are the days when I am so worn out from the rest of the week. I always look forward to Bible Study at the end of it though, as tired as I am.

I know that's a short update, but school and dance are really the only things that are occupying the majority of my time right now. Speaking of school, I have several assignments that are in need of completion so I shall leave you with that.

I have a performance in a little over a week, so maybe I can get some pictures up later.

God bless!

On April 16, 2010

2010-04-16T19:23:00.001-07:00

Listening to "Let The Waters Rise" by Mikeschair

This song always reminds me of the Psalms: the questions of assurance that arise up in the Christian life, but at the same time the reliance and trust on God. It's good to remind ourselves that we are holding God's hand. So why are we afraid of these rising waters? It's a bit ridiculous, when we put things in perspective. God is in control and we are holding onto Him. There is nothing to fear. Some things can be fearful all the same, which is why we have to remind ourselves of this.

Anyway, speaking of rising waters, I have a rising pile of home work that needs completion. Ah, well. It shall simply have to wait until tomorrow. Things have been crazy in a good way, I guess. 12:30 PM today I had a Biology exam which I felt semi-prepared for. After getting home from classes, I had a few minutes to change, play piano, and get ready for dance class at 3:30 PM. Dance class ended at 4:30 and then Ruth and I scarfed down our dinner and I practiced some more piano before leaving at 5:00. Mrs. Y took us from our house to the Community Center where practice was.

We got to practice to learn that the performance scheduled tomorrow was canceled due to the rain. That was a bust, but at the same time it was kind of nice because I have so many things I want to get done tomorrow. Like sleeping in and not having to worry about curling hair. Haha, but seriously. I do have a lot of work. And dance practice was fun all the same. We experimented with glow stick bracelets on our wrists and shoes in the dark. It had a really cool affect and we think we're going to use it one of our performances. We practiced all of our performance dances and then learned a new step, which was cool.

Then after dance class, Pastor took us and Abigail to high school girl's church Bible Study. This was our last study on John Piper's book Don't Waste Your Life. We closed with questions about what we learned through the book and how to apply them to our lives. It was good. I love our Bible Study. It's such an encouragement to discuss real life questions with my friends and be able to talk about my own struggles and help them with their own.

Well, it is getting late and I need to be getting ready for bed. This post is a bit crazy (you can tell I typed it all in ten minutes). But, oh well.

God bless, all! And good night!

Thank You Mike Donehey!

2010-04-13T15:45:00.001-07:00

If you're a fan of Tenth Avenue North, you've most likely already seen this. If you haven't, well now you can! I just thought this was a really good and important message for all Christians. "God does not need us." It squashes our pride, like Mike says, but at the same time it's encouraging. God doesn't need us, He doesn't need us to succeed in making ourselves eloquent, acceptable, persuasive so that others might believe in Him. Yet, at the same time, He uses us as instruments.

This reminded me of what Pastor Noah preached on Sunday. He was talking about how God puts His Spirit in us, how we live Jesus through us without even knowing it, that beyond our own sins and failures, people still see Jesus in us because God's Spirit is in us. Speaking through us, living through us, working through us.

It's so comforting and humbling at the same time. God doesn't need me. So why does He put His Spirit in me? Why does He live through me? Because He loves me. And He wants to use me to bring others to Him. Isn't it amazing? It blows my mind and I hope it does the same to you!

God bless!

Spring Youth Retreat of 2010

2010-04-07T11:10:00.000-07:00

I have had a very interesting weekend, interesting and busy. As most of you may already know, I have been at a youth retreat over Easter Weekend. I'll begin by saying I have never been quite so tired on a retreat. Maybe it was all the schoolwork, hasty packing, and dance lessons on Friday right before departure time that made me so exhausted. Or maybe it was that I was coming down with a really bad cough. Either way, I was really tired. And I didn't participate in many of the retreat activities.

Fortunately, the retreat itself was not very long. The youth group from our home church arrived at the church in Dennison late Friday night. The guys stayed in the church building with their sleeping bags for the night. And the girls all slept in one of the homes of a family in the church. I, for one, absolutely loved the house we got to stay in. It was an old fashioned rustic farm house and reminded me so much of the house we used to live in in Illinois. I love old fashioned farm houses. I would have spent all Saturday there, exploring the farm grounds, but I didn't.

Saturday morning, registration began with an ice breaker of "I Never". I heard that 66 youth registered for the retreat, but I'm not exactly sure how many actually participated in the end. There were quite a lot and I was really glad to be able to see so many good friends whom I rarely get to see!

I was also EXTREMELY excited to see Anna. Ah, it was very, very good to see Anna. Sad thing was, though, I wanted her to come home with us. *sniff*

I guess I'll live, though Ben and I nearly succeeded in kidnapping her right about departure time on Sunday.

Anyway, back on topic...after our morning ice breaker and registration, Pastor Wade Mann gave his first "talk" or "lecture" on Church Discipline. I thought the topic very interesting and I really appreciated the way he personalized the aspect of church discipline. It's not just a job for the pastor, elders, deacons, or whatever, but it's a responsibility that every Christian has, to disciple or discipline other believers.

Here are my notes from each session:
Notes: Church Discipline - SESSION 1 4-3-10
3 characteristics of a Biblical church:
-sound preaching of the Word
-proper administration of the Sacraments
-church discipline
The Roman Catholic church abused church discipline and their authority over the people. Today there is not enough church discipline, if any.

The preliminaries of Church Discipline:

Q #1: What is church discipline? Discipline - disciple Proverbs 12:1, Ephesians 6:4, 2 Timothy 3:16
Every member of the church has a realm of responsibility to discipline others, holding them accountable.
Types of Church Discipline:
a. Preventative discipline/proactive
-discipleship
-growing in Jesus Christ
b. Corrective Discipline/Remedial
-confronting people with their sins
*Church discipline is corrective constructive discipline with consequences.

Q. #2: Why is church discipline required?
a. It is required, because God is a Holy God and the church should and will reflect God. God is Holy, Holy, Holy, but He has still reconciled us to Him so that we can become perfectly righteous as Jesus Christ.

b. Because God loves His People.
-His Bride. The picture of Christ redeeming a bride and wrapping her in holiness.
-The flock
-Household/family: Believers are adopted into the family of God. "Those whom the Lord loves, He disciplines". Like a Father, God disciplines.

c. Because of who we are. Discipline is a tool and a long process. We are born again, justified through Christ, but not immediately sanctified/glorified/perfected in righteousness. Sin is still present in our lives. And wolves also still come into the church and try to "devour" the flock/church.

Q #3: What is the purpose of church discipline?

a. It demonstrates love. Church discipline is not just for getting rid of a trouble maker in the church.

b. The reclaiming of a sinner. A person sinning and causing strive is still a child of God and precious to Jesus. It is not right to just get rid of a trouble maker.

c. To prevent repetition of the offense.

d. To maintain the honor of Christ. When church members persist in unrepentant sin, it shames Christ.

e. To maintain the truth of the Gospel.

f. Avoid the wrath of God coming upon the church.

Q. #4: Where does authority for church discipline come from?
a. Christ is the head of the church. All authority ultimately comes from him.

b. Jesus has delegated authority to his church and their leaders, through the preaching of the Word and through church discipline, the elders exercise this very authority.

Notes: SESSION 2 4-3-10

The process of Church Discipline:
Matthew 18:7-20 gives a five step process of Church discipline.

Step #1: Self-discipline. What is self discipline? "Holding yourself in" 1 Corinthians 9:25, exercising self-control.

Step #2: Going privately to the offending brother or sister in Christ. The goal is to restore the one who has fallen into sin.
-Before you go to your brother, prayerfully examine yourself. See if your brother really has sinned against you. Is this an offense you can overlook? Do you have a godly attitude as you go? A spirit of humility? Is your brother's best interest in your mind? Luke 6:36

Step #3: Then seek to reprove your brother. Come with specific details. Give room for an explanation. Go in private. And if your brother listens to you and repents, you have won your brother. And the two of you are reconciled. Lay the matter aside then. Just as God does. Forgive. Ephesians 4

Step #4: But if your brother does not listen to you in private, bring one or two witnesses with you in your next meeting.
-This will cause the offended party to think if it really is all that important.
-It provides mediators to help reconcile the two.
-The will gie strength and weight.
-It also provides witnesses. Deuteronomy 12 (forget the verse :P)

Step #5: Move into the formal. Tell it to the church. The matter becomes official. How is this done? Go and speak to the elders of the church.

1 Corinithians 14:33,40 The matter should not be made public yet, but is now in the elders or pastors capacity to deal with the situation. And then they announce it to the church.

Suspension takes place. Session is notified and accounts for the offender. The matter is announced to the congregation and they are asked to encourage the offender to righteousness and repentance. Council the offender as a brother, but do not act as if nothing is wrong.

Step #6: If the offender continues in sin and refuses to repent, remove him/her from the church. Or Ex-communication. The offender is considered as an unregenerate person, or an unbeliever. He is no longer treated as a repentant Christian. 1 Corinthians 5:5

This does not mean that the church should no longer love and welcome the unrepentant person. They should continue to pray for him, speak with him, and encourage him to repentance.

If the offender repents, there will be great rejoicing. Revelation 3:19

Notes: SESSION 3 4-4-10

Promises and Prevention of Church Discipline:
We should seek to discipline out of a love for God and a love for the offender.

Matthew 18:15-20 includes 4 promises that come with church discipline:
a. The church has the backing of Heaven.
b. Jesus promises that our prayers will be answered.
c. vs. 20, Jesus will be with us in that promise.

Prevention: Hebrews 10:24, 25
a. We are members of a body. Christianity is not individualistic. We are part of a body, and the head is Christ. We have a responsibility to minister to others. We need to be wary as to not create stumbling blocks for others. But rather, urge them on and support them. We have a responsibility to bring other s to Christ. Romans 12:10, 14:19, 15:7,14, Galatians 5:13, 6:2, Ephesians 4:32

These verses show our responsibility to one another in the body of Christ.

d. We need to exercise faithful and regular interaction with other followers of Christ. Being present can be an encouragement in and of itself. Be committed to reconciliation in one another, and be willing to confront and forgive. This promotes healthy body life.

THE END

These are just my collection of notes. I'm pretty sure I captured all of Pastor Mann's main points, but I'm sorry if they're a little confusing sometimes.

I think that's all for today! God bless!

By This We Know Love

2010-03-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and weought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. -1 John 3:16-18

That was our theme for the 30 hour famine this past weekend. Let me tell you it was a very interesting and exciting experience going without food for thirty hours. I had never done anything like that before and was very glad to have been able to participate in this project to aid those across the world living in poverty. Now let me tell you a little more about the details of the famine...

Friday, March 26

Noon was when the actual fast began, but it wasn't until the early evening that the events of the fast actually began. I can't remember all the specifics of the schedule now, but it was sometime around 5:00 PM when we arrived on campus to have devotions, play some games, drink lots of juice, sing psalms, set up cardboard boxes, and go for a prayer walk. The girls and the younger participants didn't actually sleep in cardboard boxes, but several of the guys and Pastor did.

The above verses from 1 John were the verses Logan used to begin devotions. I thought that the verse was very fitting. It kept the whole fast on focus. We were here, because we were motivated by our love for Christ to give a little of the time and food that God has given us, so that others might be full. At the same time, we prayed that God would use these funds to help World Vision to reach the hearts and minds of those in Haiti, as well as fill the stomachs.

That's about the sum of the first day. I had to lead the psalm sing, which was interesting. Neither Anna or my mom was there and I guess I did pretty well, though I could have done with a pitch pipe. I swear, I pitched every song either too low or too high. Oh, to have perfect pitch like my mom...

Anyway, moving on...

Saturday, March 27

8:00 AM - We arrived at the campus about twenty minutes after the assigned date, but ah well. Jonathan led us in morning devotions with these verses from James.

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. -James 1:26-27

The hunger was probably the worst Saturday morning. My stomach kept telling me I needed breakfast and I awoke with the same headache I had fallen asleep with Friday night. But by the time we started the car wash, the headache had gone and my stomach didn't feel so bad. We drank plenty of juice, of course, which helped. If it hadn't been for all that juice, I think I would have collapsed.

The car wash was pretty successful. We washed about 11 cars, most of which were friends from church. Each one donated the amount they saw fit or wanted to give. The weather was not exactly as we had anticipated. It was cloudy with a lovely chilly wind to keep us awake and on our toes. But, like Sarah said, we can't dictate the weather, can we?

12:30 PM - We finished up the car wash, put all our buckets, sponges, and hoses away, then headed to the Parnell's for a brief break and clean-up before we went to the Church of The Nazarene to help build a shed.

If I remember right, the shed we were building was going to be used as a food pantry. But I don't remember all the details, so I'm sorry if I got it wrong. I do remember though that it was freezing cold, colder than that morning. And it was raining. But we still worked. And I was very impressed with all my youth teammates who helped out. I'm also very sore today from carrying/stacking bricks, hammering nails, moving fences, pulling out fence posts, carrying lumber, pushing a huge lumber-filled trailer, carrying 100 lb cement blocks, and other little tasks that kept me on my feet all afternoon.

I wasn't hungry though. Just perpetually exhausted. I was glad that Pastor had found so many things for us to do that day, because otherwise, I would have just sat at home all day bemoaning my empty stomach. Going out, working to raise funds, kept my mind on what the fast was about. It also kept me around others who were fasting just like me and working probably harder than I with just as empty stomachs.

5:00 PM - We finished up what work we could on the shed, closed in prayer, then went to the Parnell's to get ready for dinner. There we had our final time of devotion and prayer.

6:00 PM - We ate! Mrs. Parnell prepared a very lovely casserole, fruit salad, and cake for dinner. It was a very strange meal. Everyone had been mentioning how hungry they were all day, but by the end of the day none of us were actually that hungry. We ate a fair amount, but I didn't feel like I was starving, like I had thought I would feel by the end.

And then everyone went home, except I had to stay at the Parnell's until 9:30 because my mother was in Enid and the rest of my family was away at the Robotics competition and didn't get anywhere near home until 9:00, because they had to stay and help clean up the game field afterward.

But I didn't mind that either. Because I got to see Abigail, whom I haven't seen enough of lately. And I got to hear about the competition.

Thunderstorm Robotics one 3 awards this competition!!! We've never won any awards ever before this year!!

Mr. Markum, our chief mentor, won the Woody Flower's award. Or more like, Ruth and Gus' essay about Mr. Markum won the Woody Flower's award. Either way, it's a very impressive award for a mentor/team to win.

Our team won the Judge's award, which meant that the Judge's thought we were the coolest team ever! Hehe, not really. But they liked us a lot. This award is more like an award that doesn't really fit any category and you can't really prepare yourself for it, because it's up to the judges, who change every year.

TY, our team leader, won the leadership award! Funny thing is, he didn't know that he had even been registered. My dad and Mr. Markum registered him without him knowing. And he won! That's so awesome, because this is the last year that he can be on T-Storm. And he's done so much to help all the younger kids learn to use the machines, work in the shop, design robots, etc...

And we made it into the Semi-Finals! We weren't picked as an alliance, we were alliance captains! My dad said it was sort of a scoring fluke, as in the system was designed a little funky. But all the same, we've never made it that far as alliance captains!

So, congrats T-Storm for being the awesomest team EVER!!! I wish I could have been at the competition, but I'm glad I got to participate in the famine all the same. I was praying real hard all weekend that they would win. Papa and my brothers put so much work into that stupid robot.

And that's all the update for now!
God bless!

"Jesus Loves Who You Hate"

2010-03-12T14:48:00.000-08:00

Pastor Noah was talking about this last Sunday and then when I read practically the same thing on ForeverFan's blog today, I was struck with the thought that maybe God is trying to get something through to me.

On Sunday, Pastor was laying out the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. He was talking about how they were all intricately directed toward specific people and written for specific purposes. A lot of people see inconsistency within these gospels, how they seem to tell different stories. But these gospels are perfectly consistent, they simply focus on different parts of Jesus' life. And that is for a reason.

Let's look at the gospel of Matthew first. In this book, we see a lot of Jesus' interaction with the tax collectors and the sinners, the ones typically despised within the Jewish culture, the ones hated by the Pharisees and Scribes. Then look at the book of Mark. Pastor said that Mark is the "action film" of the gospel. This is the exciting story to capture the attention of the Romans. Mark emphasizes the kingship of Christ, his miraculous works. But at the same time it focuses on his humility. This is sort of a "blow to the face" to the Romans. Humility? From a king? It is completely contradictory to what the Romans thought of as "kingship". And then there is the book of Luke, the man who was a physician and Paul's companion. Luke focuses, more than any other gospel, on Jesus' interaction with women, children, and the poor. Why is this? Because Luke was written to the Greeks. This gospel was written to the culture that despised women, children, and the poor and thought them as lowly and unimportant. Pastor Noah said that the message throughout all these gospels is "Jesus loves the people you hate."

I had never thought of all the gospels working together that way. The sermon was really eye-opening for me. And it struck me that Pastor used the word "you" instead of "they". He was talking to us, to me. The people I hate? I had never ever even thought of that! It was one of those moments where the guilt just comes crashing down on you, because it's all so true. All the people I hate, Jesus loves them. And I'm supposed to be like Jesus.

It's so easy to read the gospel and think "oh, those wicked Pharisees! Those terrible Romans! They were such fools!" But in reality, those are the people we are! We are the Pharisees, the blind guides, the brood of vipers. And that's why Jesus wrote these gospels, so that we might see who we are and what He wants of us.

My very first reaction to this was, "well, I don't hate any one." But believe me, I wasn't thinking for five minutes before I thought of several people who I did not love as Jesus wanted me to love. It's not just "not hating" someone. Jesus calls us to love our enemies. He doesn't call us to avoid them, but to love.

And finally there is the gospel of John, the beloved disciple of Jesus Christ. Pastor Noah called this the intimate experience with Christ, the face to face encounter. This is the gospel that people usually present to an unbeliever very first, because it's sort of "in your face" in a good way. And it's like seeing Jesus personally, not hearing him in a story, or seeing him in a picture, but sitting down and talking with him, listening to him, feeling him love you.

I thought this was so neat, hearing all the gospels laid out like this. It's so amazing and so perfect how God His Word. And I'll have to put the link up here to the Sunday School lesson some time, because Pastor Noah is such a great speaker.

Did I say sermon? Sorry about that...it was really the Sunday School lesson. It was still a great lecture!

God bless!
Dani

"Hello Hurricane"

2010-03-04T19:22:00.000-08:00

If you've been anywhere near me within the last few months, you know that I've been raving on and on about Switchfoot's newest album "Hello Hurricane". I decided to do something that I've never done before on this blog and write a review on this album, not just because it is so amazing, but also because the songs in this album have really applied to me personally.

"Hello Hurricane"
It took Switchfoot two years (or more?) to create "Hello Hurricane". And when I first heard their single "Always" on the radio, I understood why it took them two years to make it. For one thing, this album carries a completely different sound than Switchfoot has ever had. In the introductory trailer to this album, they said that they basically redefined who they were as a band, who they were writing music for, and why they were writing music. I always enjoyed Switchfoot's music, but I was really impressed with this big step that the band took. Their albums have always had a Christian message, but I don't think any of their albums made the gospel so clear as "Hello Hurricane" has.

I don't have time to review every track, so I'll just do a few of the highlight tracks.

Track 02 "Mess of Me"

There's a general theme of redemption woven throughout "Hello Hurricane" and so it's very fitting that the second track on the album be about sin, our messy lives, our need for a Savior. This song talks about how there isn't a drug or a cure that can make us well. "The sickness is myself". The message is really straight-forward and clear in this song. It's also vitally important. Singing about redemption isn't going to make a difference if people don't even know that they need to be saved. The point of this song is that we our sick, we've made a mess of our lives, and there is no cure on this world that is going to make us better.

Track 03 "Your Love Is A Song"

This is a beautiful song describing God's love as a symphony of music, a melody that surrounds us and runs through us. It is probably my favorite track on the whole album. It is slower-paced and quieter, but none the less brilliant.

Track 06 "Free"

"Free" ties in with the song Mess of Me, in that the singer is begging to be saved from himself.

Free,
Come set me free
Down on my knees
I still believe you can
Save me from me
Come set me free
Come set me free
Inside this shell
There’s a prison cell

The song concludes with the lyrics:

I had a dream that my chains were broken
broken, broken, broken open

FREE

So this song is sort of the conclusion of "Mess of Me".

Track 07: "HELLO HURRICANE"

When I first saw the title "Hello Hurricane" of this song, I was kind of wondering what on earth it was going to be about. I was, to be honest, expecting something a bit cheesy. Something that rhymed with "hurricane". And I was quite surprised to find how meaningful the song really was. This song refers to someone in the face of a huge storm, a hurricane, someone who has surrendered everything to Jesus. But even this hurricane can't do any damage, because we've already counted everything as loss for Jesus. There's nothing left for this storm to take away.

This song is also awesome, because Jon Foreman plays the mandolin in it!!

Track 08: "Always"

This was the very first song I ever heard from this album. Believe me, I was totally shocked when it was released on the radio. I had to listen to it twice before I believed that it was Switchfoot. Anyway, I think the most important message of this song (at least for me) is that "every breath is a second chance". Jon Foreman, in an interview, described it as (to paraphrase), "every moment of our lives is a chance for redemption. It's never too late." This song is one of the slower-paced songs on the album, but it's definitely one of my favorites. I'm always needing reminding that I belong to God and I always will, no matter how deep the scars of the pain of my past sins are, I am always God's.

And I've met so many people while doing door-to-door ministry that think that they're too old to believe in Jesus, or that they're not "good enough" to go to church. And I think that everyone today just needs to be reminded that it's never too late to accept Christ.

Track 10: "Yet"

This is another slow-paced song. I was surprised with the amount of slow-paced songs on this track and thoroughly thrilled! For some reason, Switchfoot's slower-paced songs are always the really brilliant ones. Anyway, "Yet" is a song about someone who's confused, someone's who is unsure of their faith, thinks they could be losing their faith, but still believes that God hasn't lost them. The song sort of continues that way with the chorus "you haven't lost me yet". And you get the impression that God is never going to lose you and that no matter how unsure you are of your own faith or of what's true or false, God has not lost you. Definitely an important truth.

This is just my personal insight and application of these songs. It's why I appreciate them, why I enjoy listening to them, and why I really admire the band. A lot of people in the world need to hear this message and a lot of people are, thanks to Switchfoot.

Aaand...that's all I'm going to say, because it's late and I need to get to bed.

Looking Forward To Health

2010-03-01T09:40:00.001-08:00

So I have the cold for the second time this winter. Though I don't believe that I've had such a nasty cold for several years. Since Wednesday I've been sniffling and sneezing and losing sleep so bad that I had to stay home all Sunday. And I was looking forward to sleep last night after watching the End of Time Doctor Who Christmas Special with my family, but unfortunately I was kept awake all night with a nasty cough.

I think my sinuses are finally beginning to drain now, because I'm not as dizzy/headachey as I was yesterday and my nose and throat are twice as congested as they were yesterday.

Oh, and Anna's gone. She headed up to our grandmother's place Saturday and left Ruth and I home sniffling over more than our colds. I've started moving into my new room, which is exciting and slightly depressing at the same time. It's actually a relief to be back in my old bunk bed. The first sensation I received when I climbed into it Saturday night was, "I'm a little kid again!" I grew up in that bunk bed with Ruth. It holds so many precious memories. (I'm surprised that it still holds us).

So, my Saturday was really depressing in a good sort of way. Ruth and I have decided that it's time we look up to our new responsibilities as the eldest siblings in the house at the moment. And I'm actually looking forward to it. It seems the roll God is trying to teach me this new year is that of a leader.

I'm no longer a dance student, I'm a teacher. And I've stopped being the little sister. I'm one of the biggest now. It's sort of terrifying. I mean, I was just starting to get the hang of following and all of a sudden God expects me to lead.

Sometimes I think God places too much on my shoulders. But then, I'm reminded that the burden is worth the joy that comes in the journey. And if you don't face up to your faults and take your trials head on, you'll miss out big time. God meets us and teaches us in experience. We have to be ready to embrace and accept anything and everything he throws our way, because that's how God refines us in this life, through our experiences and our hardships.

It's not the good times we need in this life, it's the hard rough times that we need to make us stronger and ready for what comes next.

And we can always keep hope, knowing that God will never give us more than we can handle. We will never be consumed by our weakness, but rather we will be made strong by his strength.

Ah! Don't you just love the internet? I can't say a word in real life, but I can ramble away all I want on here. :0)

Speaking of rambling, I think it's time I shut up now and go fix myself some lunch.

God bless!

A Time For Love

2010-02-19T08:07:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day is a "big deal" in our family. Each year, my brothers and my dad wake up early-ish and fix all of the girls breakfast. Of course they force us to sleep in until they're all ready. They always fix really delicious breakfasts, though, despite the amount of time they take preparing it. And I'm not opposed in any way to sleeping in. This Valentine's Day was really special with plenty of smiles, hearts, and sugar (of course). The only sad thing is that Anna didn't spend it with us...*sniff*

Enjoy the pictures!

What is Love?
Now love is not a feeling in the chest,
It is bending down to wash another's feet
It is faithful when the sun is in the west
And in the east

It can hurt you as it holds you
In its overwhelming flood
Until only the unshakable is left...
-Andrew Peterson

I hope you all had a good Valentine's Day!!
God bless!

This Ain't Home.

2010-02-09T08:17:00.000-08:00

[Note: One might ask, while reading this post, "why the title?" It doesn't obviously appear to fit the post, does it? So why did I add it in? Simply this. I added it in as a reminder to myself that this life is not my home, that there is more beyond what I can see, feel, and even imagine. It's a reminder that envelopes the entirety of this post. It's also a song by Seabird that I very much love and that helps me remember every day that "this ain't home" and there's no point in lying to yourself that this is all there is, because it isn't...]

Written on February 8, 2010

I've been two days behind all day, thinking that it was the 6th. Not until 10:00 PM did I realize what the date really was. This isn't anything new for me. I'm generally slow on the uptake. For instance, it took me all the way from the fall of 2009 to here and now to realize that my life is still a mess, that is inevitably always going to be a mess. For so long I've deceived myself into thinking that I can keep it all together, that my life somehow got better and is going to stay better, that I'm better. But not anymore. No, now everything is clear to me, so perfectly clear. Everything's been stripped away, like this tree, this dead dark tree I've drawn. I hate myself for letting my love run dry, for letting this feeble faith grow callous and cold. Oh, and I could see it! I could feel it! It was so obviously there! Every time I opened my Bible and stared at the pages, wishing and hoping that something might stir within me, every time I could tell that things were greatly amiss. But I ignored it, like the liar I am, I told myself that it didn't matter. I told myself it would come back one day, when my school, my activities, my problems were all out of the way. I dove into life, into my studies, my projects, searching for fulfillment and thinking I had found it. But all the while I lacked the one thing that can motivate me to live for someone other than myself.

And I still lack it.

It's gone, like it was never there.

I forgot how deep the roots of this dead tree run. I forgot just how many deceitful habits I made and nurtured for so many years. But I can see them now, every hole i cut in someone else's heart, every stupid word I uttered thoughtlessly, everything I wish I could change. And I hate myself. More than anything, more than ever before, I want to be someone else.

These words sound painfully familiar.

Does nothing change?

Ah, but when I look at my tears, I remember that they are kept. They are kept and stored in a bottle, they are held as precious in the hands of my creator. And there is so much comfort in knowing that God knows where you have been, that he understands where each of those tears come from. And he knows where all these tears will lead me. Surely, a God who catches all my tears can rip out the deep roots of my sin. Though they reach into eternity, cannot the creator of the eternal heavens reach them? Surely he suffered that eternity, the eternity of my sin. Surely every lie I ever told bore into him that night he suffered on the cross.

It makes me weep uncontrollably to think of all the pain I caused him. I've seen the effects of my sin upon others. I've seen how it hurts them and seeing their hurt makes me feel remorseful and sorrowful...but only for a moment. And I cannot help but wonder, "How much more pain did I cause Jesus? How much? He took everything, all of it, every sin that no one on this earth ever saw, every vile thought I ever conjured up." And this is why I hate myself, because all my life I've spit in his face, I've trampled over him with my unkind and thoughtless words to others, my selfish attitude, and my liar's heart. All my life.

Why does he love me?

I don't know.

But this is why I love him so much, because he took all that. He took my life, every sinful particle of it. Everything. It's gone. "Is it really?" I ask, neck deep in disbelief and doubt. And he just laughs and says, "Dani, look at me." I reach out and touch his hands, his side, just as I've touched him so many other times. Doubt cannot possibly withstand the touch of my Savior. But I cannot withstand my own doubt, which is why I must continuously come back to this place.

Here is where my Savior rips my heart wide open, so that I can see just exactly who I am. There is no blindness here, no lie. There is no way that I can possibly deceive myself into thinking I am someone who I am not. Not here. And this is where I hate myself, but only for a moment.

Because then he showed me who he is. And in the face of my Savior, all questions and doubts fade. The answer is him. And I laugh at myself for once thinking that I had the answers, that I understood myself, that I knew God.

My tears are stored in his bottle, in the hand of God, the one who knows me perfectly and yet...

I am only just beginning to know him.

"Never underestimate my Jesus. You're telling me there's no hope. I'm telling you, you're wrong." -Relient K

When we see the weight of our sin, God's call to "cast all our cares upon him" really changes. How much trouble and pain do these cares cause you? And yet, God wants to take them, he wants you to cast them upon him. Just a thought.

Fishees!

2010-02-04T07:09:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my youngest brother who got a large and beautiful fish tank for Christmas 2009, we now have three new (and living) members in our family. We replaced our fish tank heater with a more reliable one from PetCo. (Don't ever by a fish tank heater from Wal-Mart, it will cook your fishees). Anyway, so we now have three new fishee members (Tetra fish to be specific) in addition to our Fisher family. Their names are (credit to Ruth and Ben and a little help from me) Jack, Racetrack, and Spot. *grins* We call them da Newsies and we're expecting three more as soon as my youngest brother makes another trip to PetCo.

I'll have to try and take some pictures of them sometime, if you can take pictures of fish, to put up here and show you all. They really are very cute and my little brother takes care of them so carefully, it's so sweet. Whenever he feeds them, he watches them to make sure they all eat something...

Some Excitement

2010-01-26T10:58:00.000-08:00

I laugh at the title of this post. My life exciting? Anyway, several interesting things have happened since I last posted.

No more Irish Dance. 'Tis sad, but I've had to quit, for several reasons. My dad is trying to spend more time with family and less time at work, so we're cutting expenses this year. That means cutting dance, because it is very expensive. I shall miss it very much, but hopefully I'll be able to start it up again when I get my own job and can pay for it myself (several years into the future, that is).

So, there's a change and I must say a big one at that. But it's a very exciting change all the same. There's something sad about leaving what you are so familiar with behind, but there's always excitement in looking ahead into a future which you cannot yet perceive clearly.

II.

This is the second and probably the most exciting. I've "officially" started piano lessons. By official, I mean I'm working harder at it (or trying to at least) and my mother is working harder on me. I love piano and I hope to start up violin and viola soon too. I still can't understand why I gave up violin, such a beautiful instrument. I was an idiot, I suppose. Me and my stubborn attitude! Well, it's high time I dust off my *cough*talent*cough* and pick it back up again.

III.

Our house got struck by lightning. This was actually quite fascinating, because I swear I saw the bolt strike the house. I don't remember exactly where, but I know I saw it out of the corner of my eye. Ben saw it too. Our phone line got cut off (the wires in the phone were smoking) and so we've had to get a new phone. Also, we had to get a new internet router because the one by my computer (I happened to be online when the lightning struck) got zapped.

IV.

I witnessed a car accident as well. That was rather scary. A car got t-boned, receiving a large dent in their side. Another car got the entire front smashed off. No one was hurt, praise God. My mom called the police and luckily there were other people around, so we didn't have to stay there.

Everything is going well. School has gotten a little crazy, but is fun all the same. Geometry is slightly (understatement) difficult, though. Anyway, I really must be going now, speaking of Geometry...

God bless!

Life At Present

2010-01-22T07:36:00.001-08:00

Before this month is over and gone, which is very soon, sooner than I expected, I thought that I should probably write a brief update before you all think that I've disappeared off the face of the Earth. So, I started writing several posts but didn't feel satisfied at all with them or just felt too lazy to complete any of them, so I took this little bit (see below) from my web page on the Potters School. Sorry to all you TPSers who read my blog, this won't be an update for you. I'll try to come up with something better in the future...

A year has come and gone and another one approaches (more like it already has approached, I'm just a little behind). Things aren’t looking too great right now and I’m bracing myself for a lot of change. The kind of change that requires a lot of sacrifice, something I’m not used to giving but something that I know I need to learn to give.

Time for sacrifice. Time to give up a lot of stuff and a lot of activities that I really enjoy. Time to drop the extracurricular activities for the things that really matter, like my family and my future. It’s high time I started thinking about my future. And even though I’ve lived around my family all my life, I’ve never really thought about them before myself. I know that sounds selfish and cold, but that’s who I am.

Now, who I am striving to become is someone completely different. Who I am striving to become most like is Jesus, my Savior and Lord. The person I am striving to become is the person God already sees me as. The person I cannot see in the mirror every morning is the person that is completely righteous and blameless.

God is gradually forming me into who He already sees. It’s hard to believe that He’s making me into a better person, with all my failings and constant failures. But I believe that He is changing me and that He will faithfully complete the work that He has begun in me.

“Come, everyone who thirsts,
come to the waters;
and he who has no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without price.
Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,
and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,
and delight yourselves in rich food.
Incline your ear, and come to me;
hear, that your soul may live;
and I will make with you an everlasting covenant,” –Isaiah 55:1-3

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
(giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.” –Isaiah 55:10-11

On Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T14:24:00.000-08:00

Family picture taken over Thanksgiving break!

Now to proceed to update...

So, I just spent a week driving across the United States, visiting family and old friends, meeting new friends. It has been a very exciting and tiring experience. I've celebrated Christmas over the past two months about four times and am about to celebrate it once again with my family tomorrow.

The weather is frightfully lovely here. We are getting snow! Real snow! Like a blizzard snow! But then again, I can't say if it is a blizzard or not, because I can't quite remember what a blizzard is supposed to look like. I was five the last time I saw one.

Anyway, once the snow lets up a little, I shall have to go outside and get some pictures of it! Quite glorious. I love snow, for the most part.

And now...some pictures from this Christmas! Taken by my Uncle Rick, an amazing photographer. I took some pictures of my own, but not nearly as many or so beautiful. So, here you are!

Grandma True

John.

Matthew! Love the expression on his face...

Presents!

Josh, Greg's personality twin...

Timmy!

Beautiful Hannah.

Papa, the basket case! This was quite an interesting present...

And Matthew the basket case!

David, John, and Matthew.

Hannah, Renee, and Rebekah! Aren't they lovely?

Stephen with the broken basket case. It broke rather quickly.

He is Ever Faithful

2009-12-13T18:57:00.000-08:00

I'm torn right now. Torn between someone who I once was and don't ever want to be again and someone who I might be, someone who I'm not sure I want to be. I don't get to make all the decisions concerning my life at the moment. I'm still very dependent on my parents and I realize that they have financial concerns and have to think of an entire family. I know the world doesn't revolve around me. But I sometimes wonder at my parents' timing, or God's timing.

Just when I think I have things down, just when I've decided to stick with it, decided to enjoy life for a change rather than hate it, everything takes a turn I wasn't expecting. Sometimes I hate living in a big family, because there's so many others to think about and that only makes my selfish attempts to get more attention all the more selfish.

I'm not sure what to let go of here. My selfishness? My laziness? My bad attitude with life? It's like everything's getting attacked all at once.

Almost makes me want to laugh, because this scene in my life looks very familiar to others in the past. Only, back then I wasn't the way I am now, back then I wasn't a follower of Christ. And yet nothing seems to be any different from "back then". I react the same way to changes in life. Selfishly.

Even after all this time, after professing my faith and trust in God, I'm still struggling for some control in my life, some control over my future. I still can't accept the fact that it's God who has formed my path and God who has placed me on it. I don't need to know where "my life is going", because I know that ultimately it leads to Christ.

Why is it so hard? After all the discipline, all the struggles, all the teaching that God has put into us? Why is it so hard to trust him? It sounds so simple, but it really isn't.

A very wise person once said that we are filled with a beautiful treasure, that treasure being Christ, but we ourselves are not the treasure. We are still jars of clay, weak and breakable. I will never have everything together in this life. I will never be perfect. I will never be able to understand things perfectly.

But I do know that when I am at my weakest, God is strong. When I fail to follow Christ, he is ever faithful to hold onto me. His timing is not my timing, but his timing and his ways are perfect. And I am sure of that.

There is More

2009-12-02T08:30:00.000-08:00

This is not the end here at this grave
This is just a hole that someone made
Every hole was made to fill
And every heart can feel it still--
Our nature hates a vacuum

This is not the hardest part of all
This is just the seed that has to fall
All our lives we till the ground
Until we lay our sorrows down
And watch the sky for rain

There is more
More than all this pain
More than all the falling down
And the getting up again
There is more More than we can see
From our tiny vantage point
In this vast eternity
There is more

-Andrew Peterson